Your perspective of a boundary is determined by which side you’re on: the inside or the outside. And it goes without saying — but I’m saying it anyway — that your view of a boundary is also determined by whether you built the boundary (inside) or someone else did (outside).
Oftentimes we think boundaries are constructed out of fear. We build walls — real ones or virtual ones — to protect ourselves from attack. But a boundary as an act of courage? How can my establishing a boundary — this far and no farther — be seen as an act of bravery? Can it signify that I’m worth loving, worth defending … rather than being seen as an offensive maneuver against someone else, or retaliation against someone else’s actions?
We’re seen as courageous when we stand up for others. Why not call it bravery when we stand up for ourselves? When, in the words of my friend Wise Guy, we say, “I want a relationship with you — just not this one.” And we establish a boundary that protects ourselves and yes, in the process, very possibly disappoints others. They want unhindered access to us, to continue with the status quo. But boundaries are put in place for a reason. We can either please everyone else or be courageous and love ourselves, maintaining the needed boundary.
In Others’ Words: When has daring to set a boundary been an act of courage for you — choosing to love yourself?
[ctt template=”8″ link=”09Wqb” via=”yes” ]In Others’ Words: Courageous Boundaries https://ctt.ec/09Wqb+ #InOthersWords #quotes #boundaries @bethvogt[/ctt] [ctt template=”8″ link=”6WZHd” via=”yes” ]”Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves …” @BreneBrown #quotes #bebrave @bethvogt[/ctt]
Comments 13
Oh, Heavens. All I can say is that I carried a .45 automatic from the age of eleven or so (don’t ask how I got it). It was my boundary against my original family, and they knew I had nothing to lose.
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Well, Andrew … there are boundaries and there are boundaries. Why did I already know that you are a man who could put a boundary in place and keep it there? I just didn’t realize … yeah. Sorry you had to establish that kind of boundary at such a young age. Really. I’m sorry.
Wow, what a really good post. My most recent important boundary was making a literal move and getting a place of my own again, a haven, which has been freeing and important. That will help me have more to give family members when I’m with them again.
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Dee:
A geographical boundary that was truly an act of love for yourself — a taking care of yourself that you will never regret.
Once I had a “friend” who was actually poison, and I chose to distance myself from that person. It’s odd how someone can be so deceptive and at the same time fill a hole in your heart. But then, everyone is not pure good nor pure evil. I even miss that person sometimes. And sometimes it’s like missing a toothache.
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Oh, Pat: I just love you to bits! “I even miss that person sometimes. And sometimes it’s like missing a toothache.”
🙂
So well said.
And it’s true how we can let a person fill a hole in our heart … even while at the same time they are tearing us down.
It’s amazing how we always, always, always get what we need, and I needed to read that boundaries are okay. I know it most of the time, but I have my doubtful moments … and I was having one of them until I read this. Thanks, Beth.
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Kim,
I understand how we can sometimes let boundaries waver. The truth gets blurred … by something someone says or by a well-aimed (self) doubt. I get it. I do.
But I’ve learned never to move a boundary based on emotion. I didn’t erect the boundary based on a “maybe.” It shouldn’t come down easily or just because someone else thinks it should.
I appreciate this further confirmation.
I don’t usually put up the boundaries, but sometimes I’ll let them stand. I think about the verse, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Romans 12:18). Sometimes it takes a wall to do that.
Hugs!
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Angie: You’re wise to let boundaries stand. And Romans 12:18? It’s an anchor verse for me.
An inspiring post (as always), Beth! It reminded me of Matthew 5:37 ~ Let your yes be YES. Let your no be NO…. (NLV). It seems that our world today revolves more around MAYBE, espousing compromise over courage.
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Kathy: “It seems that our world today revolves more around MAYBE, espousing compromise over courage.”
Now there’s a bold truth. A sad one, too.