@bethvogt
Some days are going to be harder than others.
Just typing that simple sentence made me feel a whole lot better.
I’ve been slogging uphill against my expectations and emotions this past week.
Looking back, I see reasons why the past seven days have been challenging – everything from anxiety before, during, and after some dental work, to lack of sleep, to missing a few goals I’d set for myself.
All of this, along with some other circumstances, added up to a challenging week.
What made the past week even more difficult?
Me choosing not to offer myself grace while I was having hard days.
I’m good at telling others to be gentle with themselves. I’m quick to tell a friend to rest when they are tired. I’ll encourage someone to do the next thing instead of worrying about every little thing. I know self-care is important.
But when my performance isn’t what I think it should be – when I disappoint myself or think I’m disappointing others – I weigh myself down with all sorts of negative self-talk. Things I should have done. Things I shouldn’t have done. I’ll listen to old lies about myself.
Why is it so difficult to show grace to ourselves?
Because we’re mistaken about grace. In its simplest form, grace equates with kindness. Too often we tangle it up with what we do or don’t do, overlooking the miraculous, God-given gift of grace that we’ll never fully comprehend, but so desperately need.
Humans are miserly about grace. God is lavish with grace. Humans dole grace out if we think someone has earned it. God knows we will never earn grace – and grants us grace in spite of this.
Humans place conditions on kindness, on love, on grace. If … If … If …
God’s kindness, love, and grace are all unconditional.
This is why it’s so difficult to show ourselves grace: because we didn’t live up to our “conditions” – to our expectations for ourselves.
Sometimes I talk a situation out with my friend Wise Guy after the fact. He looks at me with a smile and says, “You should have expected this.” Not in a “how could you be so stupid” kind of way – that’s not how Wise Guy interacts with people.
He wants me to learn and to remember so I’m not so surprised by events the next time.
This would be one of those times.
Some days are going to be harder than others. If I’d given last week a bit more forethought, I would have realized I was looking at a challenging week. I could have prepared myself better.
I could have offered myself more grace.
More rest.
More gentleness.
I would have remembered grace is always the right response – for others and for myself.
Choosing to Offer Ourselves Grace https://bit.ly/3jTOoNJ #hope #encouragement Share on X 'We are born broken. We live mending. The grace of God is the glue.' Quote by Eugene O'Neill https://bit.ly/3jTOoNJ #faith #grace Share on X
Comments 12
Such good reminders, Beth! I can definitely be miserly with grace, and noticing that I’m doing it is an important step in learning to be lavish with it.
Author
Good morning, Emily. It’s an all-too human tendency to hold off giving ourselves grace when we need it most. Let’s start with today — choosing to offer ourselves grace both first and last. Just for today.
There’s no rest now that I can take
beyond what comes through cancer’s force,
and in each moment, I must break
myself upon this final course,
for so much remains undone
that left so, will bring sorrow,
and therefore I must race the sun
unto a dark tomorrow
when I lie shattered on the ground,
not victim, but one who wouldn’t deign
to part from duties that he found
gave cause to thus remain
in this last fell duty station
to be poured out as libation.
Author
A blessed morning to you, Andrew. And grace upon grace to you, my friend. May you not consider what is left undone — there is much of that for all of us. Instead know that you have done much. Given much. Inspired much. You’re in my prayers.
Awww, friend. This post resonates with my heart and with some of what we’re walking through right now. I find it sooo much easier to offer others grace than I do myself. God is teaching me. And I really appreciate what you shared about looking at those harder weeks ahead of time and seeing where we can prepare ourselves by giving ourselves more rest and remembering to give ourselves grace.
Author
Jeanne: I hoped this post would encourage others, my friend. You always offer grace to others (me, included). Praying you take time for yourself in the days ahead.
GREAT post, Beth! I can relate so much. I am always hardest on myself. Thanks for the encouragement.
Author
Hello, my friend. Praying that grace may abound to you more and more — and that you will offer it to yourself when you need it.
Beth, this is a lovely post this week. When going through cancer treatment, I was not up to my usual standards–and rightfully so. I learned to “give myself permission” to not live up to my own expectations or those of others. That was my version of what you described as the advice we’d give to others yet do not follow for ourselves. Since that time, I’ve given myself permission to give myself grace by giving myself permission. Thanks for sharing your journey, I’m in awe of how you share your vulnerability and use it for such a positive purpose.
Author
Barb: I’ve admired your strength and courage for so many years, my friend. Thank you for encouraging me and others to give ourselves permission to lower our expectations when we need to do so. I always want to foster honest conversations here — that’s why I write this blog. Hugs to you, my friend.
Grace and Kindness.
Author
Yes. Grace and kindness. To others and to ourselves.