@bethvogt
I didn’t sleep last Friday.
I stayed up all night long – by choice. It wasn’t all that difficult, considering I was in Colorado and my youngest daughter, Christa, was in California where there’d been not one, but two record-breaking earthquakes in a little over 24 hours. And let’s not consider the I-lost-cost-of-how-many aftershocks.
I know staying awake all night – a case of self-induced insomnia – didn’t keep my daughter any safer than she already was. Or wasn’t. And I wasn’t playing God by pulling an all-nighter. Or doubting God. I know what God is capable of … and what I’m not capable of.
And I also recalled the conversation I’ve had with my friend Wise Guy about God’s definition of safety being different than our definition of safety because, well, bad things happen, right?
And that’s another blog post.
And yes, even with that whole safety definition discrepancy, I choose to trust God.
But still. There was no sleeping for me last Friday night.
It’s an odd thing, this mom-gig. And it’s all the more unusual because I’m approaching a time of monumental change as a mom – an emotional seismic shift, you might say. In a few short weeks, there are going to be more nights when Christa is away from home at the end of the day than she is tucked in her bed right down the hall from me and her dad.
Not that there’s any “tucking in” going on in recent years. That’s just a mom turn of phrase.
And no, I won’t be sitting up all night once Christa’s off in Minnesota at college. I won’t be imagining that my “Mom Night Watch” somehow makes the world a safer place for her.
That’s not how life works.
Being a mom means we hug our child one-last-time-until-the-next-time and we let them go. We release our child into their future knowing the world’s not a safe place. Things happen, like earthquakes and aftershocks. And sometimes, our child sleeps through the upheaval. And sometimes we do, too. And sometimes, nobody does.
Sending a child off to college is another opportunity to be brave. Brave enough to believe in our child enough to let them go. And brave enough to believe in ourselves so that we can watch them, eyes wide open, as they walk away into the lives waiting for them. The calm days and the earthquake days.
And then we choose to say our prayers, to trust, and to go to bed at night, close our eyes, and go to sleep. And we choose to do it all over again the next day and the next, until it feels normal.
Earthquakes, Aftershocks, and Choosing to Trust http://bit.ly/2S50SnB #parenting #perspective Click To Tweet 'Having faith doesn't mean I have all the answers. It means trusting God especially in the midst of uncertainty.' Quote by @LysaTerKeurst #trust #faith Click To Tweet
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Comments 9
They say that You allowed my cancer
and still maintain that You are just;
I need, Dear Lord, a straight-up answer:
are You worthy of my trust?
You can say how great You art;
You bamboozled Job with that.
No, I can’t make a beating heart,
but this is my innings, I’m at bat.
OK, I get that the world is fallen,
and the wage of sin is death,
but my days are so appalling,
and it hurts to take a breath.
So that’s Your answer, and we’re done?
That for me, You let die Your Son?
Author
Andrew: Good morning, my friend. I know you’re standing your watch again … and that pain is a constant companion. You’re in my prayers daily. And you illustrate how we can wrestle with questions and still hold our ground … still trust. It’s a paradox. God’s big enough for our questions and our moments of doubts. He’s dealt with eons of it, hasn’t he?
He sure has!
I get it, I would have found it hard to sleep, too, but am so glad with you that flights, everything, went forward w/o incident except for some further solid proofs that He takes good care of us in every situation. I know you’re enjoying these days. Blessings!
Author
Dee: Even during my mom-all-nighter, I was at peace. It was that odd “trusting God through it all” kind of thing that I’ve come to be so thankful for. And yes, I’m enjoying these weeks … and enjoying watching Christa having so much fun. California was the trip of a lifetime!
You had me at “this mom-gig.” Such a packed phrase for those of us in the letting-them-launch season. Motherhood comes with its own set of seismic events and aftershocks. There is much that wars against trusting God. Sometimes doing battle looks like peaceful sleep, but I would have been up all night too.
Some events merit an all night vigil, yes?
Author
Bernadette: Hello, friend. Once a mom, always a mom. And letting them launch doesn’t mean we ever truly let them go … we release, and hold them close in our hearts. It’s a mom-thing, right? 😉
Beth, more and more I recognize similarities in our personalities. The last to college was harder because he was our last. College + 7 year career and I still pray for his travel and wait up till I get the text he’s home safe or arrived at his destination as he generously shares. Not sure how long I’ll enjoy that luxury.
His first year at college one Saturday I try and try to reach him by phone. (Isn’t that a test in case of a real emergency!) After couple of hours I resorted to the Facebook trace. If I see a recent post he gets a free pass.
In this case it was a video of him jumping off a high waterfall in the mountains in January!! Icicles on the rocks! Not sure who had the idea him or the new roommate whose mom is a trauma nurse. Neither of us were happy.
And despite all God has protected him. Children have a way of keeping you on your knees. #prayingmoms
Author
Daphne: Reading this tonight as I post my new blog for this week. Yes, children keep us on our knees … and jumping to our feet as we cheer them on. #itisatossup 🙂