In Others’ Words: Coming to Grips with Age

Beth Vogtage, In Others' Words, Quotes 41 Comments

Jamie Lee Curtis, Barbie, and Me

@bethvogt

 

Did you know Jamie Lee Curtis, one of my favorite actresses, turned 60 last November 22?

And Barbie – yes, that Barbie, whose real name is Barbara Millicent Roberts – turns 60 in a few short months on March 9.

And then there’s me.

On May 5, I’ll be 60 years old. Sixty years old.

Can I just say I’ve wrestled with admitting my age to you all out loud on this blog for months???

I put away my Barbies a long time ago, along with any attempts to measure up to her. Pun intended.

That said, I do blame Jamie Lee Curtis for this post – specifically her October 2018 “Secrets to Confidence” article in Good Housekeeping magazine. In the article, she talked openly about turning 60 and her life philosophy: If not now, when?

Could I stare down my coming birthday with as much confidence as Jamie Lee Curtis  … and not blink?

I don’t talk about my age because, well, I don’t want other people defining me by my age. Maybe it’s because I watched my mother struggle with the whole “I don’t want to get older” dilemma. Most women do, but my mother’s attempts to stay young tripped me up a bit.  And even though I’ve already told my kiddos that I’m going to age – let Barbie do the plastic to fend off the passing of time, not me –  I still struggle with the fact that I am, in fact, getting older.

I’ve always said I would never lie about my age. And I don’t. I do, however, just not talk about how old I am. If people want to assume I’m younger than the age on my Colorado driver’s license, that’s fine with me.

But the reality is I am going to be 60 in five months.

There. I said it again.

It was slightly less painful that time.

Whenever I consider my age – confront it and the wrinkles in the mirror – I always ask myself what year would I give up to be younger? The year I met my husband? A particular year in our marriage? The year one of our children was born? The year I survived a life-threatening illness? The two years we lived in Turkey? The eight years in Florida? Any of our years in Colorado?

No. I wouldn’t give up any of those years. Each one of those experiences, those times, are part of me.  My victories. My failures. My lessons learned.

My memories.

I’ve also thought about how I want to handle this whole turning 60 thing. I’ve already told my husband no surprise birthday party – although that’s exactly what I did for him. But, as a friend pointed out, turning 60 for a man is not the same as turning 60 for a woman.

I could run full tilt into this birthday, with a false bravado I’m just not feeling.

Or I could be honest.

And if you know me at all, you know I value honesty.

So this is me, saying I’m going to be 60 in a few months – and also saying I’m not all that comfortable with that idea.

The truth is, I’ve never been all that comfortable in my own skin. I’ve always felt like other people do themselves better than I do me.

So maybe, maybe, the next few months will be about getting comfortable with where I am … and who I am … and celebrating life along the way.

In Your Words: What are you staring down in the coming year that makes you uncomfortable … makes you wonder if you’re up to the challenge?  

You may have noticed a few changes to this blog. Like it published on Wednesday, not Tuesday or Thursday. And the post is a little longer than previous posts. All deliberate changes. With the new year, I’ll be blogging once a week on Wednesdays, and going deeper with my posts. I’m looking forward to our conversations. 

Jamie Lee Curtis, Barbie ... and Me http://bit.ly/2R3C4iH #getting older #perspective Share on X 'Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.' #quote by Mark Twain http://bit.ly/2R3C4iH #gettingolder Share on X

 

 

 

Comments 41

  1. Your new blog approach sounds great–bless it and you. You will always be young. You know how to wear life well and encourage me and so many. In all areas, more than you can imagine, may this be your best year yet FULL of encouragement, triumphs, and wonderful meaningful memories.

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  2. Thanks, Beth. This is so well written for it speaks for so many of us. You have been a universal voice in this blog. We all have difficulty reaching certain milestones, but hearing the words of another with the same struggles, really helps.

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  3. 60 looks great on you, Beth! And my 95 year old mother-in-law would say you’re just a youngster. Perspective…we all come from a different one. When I look at you, I see a beautiful, wise, loving woman. And having known you for many years, I have had the privilege of watching you mature into a wonderful place in your life of true joy and purpose. And, you have given me the courage to say, out loud, I will be…gasp…70 this year! Let’s celebrate together!

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      Fran: I thank God for our friendship and how we’ve challenged one another to be real. To be honest. To trust God with our lives. And yes, yes, yes. Let’s celebrate who we are and what He’s done for us! 🙂

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  4. I just turned 40 last October. My mom didn’t struggle with the “getting older” thing, and instead embraced it as part of life. She is unabashedly gray-haired, and loves being a grandma. She’s such an example to me – and so I have hair that is salt and pepper, and you know what? It definitely drives relatives of mine crazy that I would let that color show because it tells them that they themselves have to be old if I am. It drives them CRAZY. But I am following my mother’s lead and looking at each season of life and trying to find the joy in that season. Right when I turned 40, I finished potty training what I assume is my youngest child. So now I’m embracing the “we have no babies, just kids” phase. And then eventually they’ll be gone and I will have to embrace the empty nest. And then the grand babies. And each season of life will be wonderful, but different. I love how you weren’t able to say that there was a part of your life to get rid of. I’m going to make that part of my own philosophy. And that Mark Twain quote…. perfect.

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      Laurel: While I’m embracing all my years, I’ve chosen not to go gray — and yes, there’s more to the story there.
      But that’s okay, because it’s a personal choice. But I love being a “GiGi,” which is what my GRANDkiddos call me. They’ve enriched my life with such joy.

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  5. I am a bit older than you and I’ve always felt uncomfortable in my own skin, too. Seriously. I pray about it and wonder if that will ever change, but so far it hasn’t and I’m into my sixties. I don’t worry about getting old really. Some people worry about dying and I do to a small degree, but I know where I’m going. I worry about losing my husband. A precious older couple at church, married nearly 65 years told me, “Hubert and I have decided to both die together because neither of us can get along without the other.” I feel that way, too.

    I would be interested in the stories behind the years you talk about: the years in Turkey, life threatening illness, etc. I bet they would make a great blog issue. I thought about a blog, but couldn’t find a name for it, so gave up. I’ll just read. Your birthday is just one day before my mama’s! She’d be 92. So glad you tell it like it is.

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      Susan: Thank you for joining the conversation today. It’s funny how we’ve never met and yet we’re friends, thanks to this blog and Facebook. The blessings of social media, yes? And yes, there are stories to tell … and I just may revisit those times in Turkey and facing that illness, not realizing how serious it was until my doctor-husband said, “You know, some people don’t survive what you had …” Now that … that was a reality check.

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  6. I think 60 was the hardest for me than any other birthday. This year on May 3, I will turn 65! Medicare age! Now that’s an eye-opener!! I also embrace my hair color. I got tired of trying to keep my gray roots covered up. I love my natural hair color. But when you are a 7 yr breast cancer survivor like I am, age is only a number and I celebrate each birthday God allows me to have!

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  7. I could never wear the guise
    of the hoary-headed sage, nor
    the dignified elder ever-wise
    from his long life’s lore;
    in my book of lessons learned
    there’s little that I heeded,
    the education that I spurned
    was not that I needed.
    The road I walked, oh, where it led!
    through strife severe and funny;
    I bashed many a young man’s head
    and sent him crying home to Mummy.
    I’m still a rugby hooligan of 19, I fear,
    who’s found an unattended case of beer.

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  8. Beth – I am SO with you! My oldest son turns 18 in February and graduates high school in May – six days before my and my husband’s 25th anniversary. I REALLY don’t know how I feel about any of it. All I know is this year is going to be a roller coaster!

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  9. I am just starting to see the climbing number of my age and do a double take. But I loved your comment about what year would you give up to be a year younger. I have loved ever one of my 43 years and grown from them. You are such an example of aging well both on the outside and inside. I am so blessed to know you and have you in my life.

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  11. Oh girl you are just a kid yet..I am 68 and looking forward to what God has for me to do at this point in my life journey…hopefully you have miles to go yet. Where in Colorado are you? We were in leadville this fall and I fell in love with it.. be content to enjoy each day as it comes. Count the blessings not the years..

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  12. Do you remember my 60th, Beth? You and your family came to have turducken at E’s. Rob fixed asparagus and Finn asked to have his dinner sent up to his room with a table, please.

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  13. I can so relate to this. I’m your age plus two. I can’t even say it out loud. Sometimes I look in the mirror and feel like I’m losing myself. I only feel about 40 in my mind so why is this older woman looking back at me? Most of the time, though, I just try not to think about my age and do the best I can to live a good life. I know God still has purpose for me.

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      Pam: You know that GH article I referred to? One of Jamie Lee Curtis’s Secrets to Confidence is “Don’t Look in the Mirror.” She says, “I’m not going to look the same as I used to, and I don’t want to be confronted by that every day!” She goes on to say: “I turn my . back to the mirror, and I feel great!” Sometimes I choose to turn my back on the mirror … and sometimes I choose to smile really, really big at myself. And then I laugh. It works, too. 🙂

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  14. Bravo for saying it out loud!!! I think you’re beautiful no matter how old you are! Aging doesn’t bother me, as you can tell by my hair. 🙂 I figure I have earned every one of those silver threads and will proudly display them, along with all my lines which I am sad to say are not all from smiles, like yours. The only time I really feel my age is when my oldest daughters birthday rolls around, which this year she would have been 36.
    BTW…my oldest grand shares your bday. He will be the big 10! 🙂
    And a trivial piece of information about my mom is that she was a Hollywood makeup model back in the 40s and once went on a date with Tony Curtis.

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  16. Beth~ You are beautiful inside and out and you look wonderful at 59 1/2 and counting.? I’m so blessed to call you friend and appreciate you sharing your heart. I have a milestone birthday coming up in 3 months and feel very blessed to say I’m turning 50! I cannot wait to see what crazy big plans God has for me in this second chapter and will always remind myself to be greatful for every year that I get to celebrate with family and friends.

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  17. This year I’ll turn 56, and I still have a hard time believing it! My husband laughs every time I say this but I really mean it: I never planned on getting old, and I don’t think I’m doing it very well!

    I loved your question about which year you’d give up to be younger. Never thought about aging in those terms, but a lot of wisdom in that one question.

    I’m 55 going on 56, but inside I still feel young. On the outside, well, that’s a different story! But I’m a firm believer that, no matter what your age is, your mind defines how you live it.

    And, for the record, I think you’re beautiful, smart, and kind. Oh, and fun-ny!

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      Deena: I’ve never considered myself beautiful — now that’s another blog post. Stay tuned. But laughter and a sense of humor? That’s so important to me. Laughter is my favorite sound. Especially the laughter of children.

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  18. Happy New Year, Beth. I hopped over from FB when I saw you post about this blog, a topic I can relate well too. I also don’t talk about my age for the same reason why I don’t look at the bathroom scale (or doctor’s scale, which is worse–LOL): numbers. Fixation–mine and others. I applaud you!!

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  20. I’ve often wondered why we focus so much on getting older. It’s interesting. Is it perhaps, in our humanity, the fear of all the ‘what ifs’ – seeing others aging, getting unwell, unable to do the things they used to, worrying about what might happen to us at that age. I think the unknown is part of it. But I’ve lived with a lot of unknowns these past couple of years, and I’ve learned to step over them. There are certain things in life we cannot change, and age is one of them. Learning to live each day to the full, loving every minute we’re given, even all the ups and downs, that’s the challenge, right? My friend, you are a glowing example of embracing life in all it’s glorious mess, and smiling through it, and I’m so grateful for you.
    On another note, I think a trip to Bermuda to celebrate that birthday milestone would be an excellent idea. 🙂
    Love you tons. xo

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      Cathy: I’m so thankful for the friends God has given me who enrich my life — and you are one of those friends. And yes, embracing the day by day challenges of life, as well as the blessings, is the way to go. Bermuda to celebrate? Now I like that idea. A LOT.

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