We all face criticism at some point in our lives.
As an author, I invite criticism into my life — sometimes known by the kinder, gentler term of “feedback.” Every novel I write goes through several rounds of edits where my editors tell me what’s working and what’s not working. My Preferred Readers — a small, select group of women — also talk me through my manuscript after I submit it to my editors. And readers also post reviews of my books. Positive reviews are gold for an author. Harsh reviews? Well, that’s more like getting hit upside the head with a brick.
The best criticism I’ve received both encouraged me and challenged me as an author. When an editor starts off with words like, “Here’s what really worked in your manuscript” I’m all the more receptive to comments like, “Can you explain this section? I was confused by your character’s motivation” or “You need to rework your timeline.”
The next time we face criticism, we should ask ourselves: What was said that nourished my growth? Of course, we can’t ignore the “this isn’t working” assessment, but we can start with the positive. More importantly, when we offer criticism to someone, we should stop and think: How can I nourish this person’s growth instead of destroying it?
In Your Words: When has criticism nourished you and helped you grow?
[ctt template=”8″ link=”2suoq” via=”yes” ]In Others\’ Words: The \”How\” of Criticism http://wp.me/p63waO-2kO #InOthersWords #quotes #criticism[/ctt] [ctt template=”8″ link=”a7CGg” via=”yes” ]\”Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man\’s growth…\” http://wp.me/p63waO-2kO #quotes #FrankAClark #criticism[/ctt]
Comments 8
I’m having minor but repeat laser eye surgery this afternoon because some kind of membrane has grown back that blurs vision–not like. But I’ve needed help w/ literal proofrdg. as I’ve made some dumb goofs I could not see, for example trying 3 times to enter a grade for an online student I was sure was named Garner when it was really Gamer and I could spot the difference. So I sent out a plea to even distant friends to help proof and was more than gratified when one of the busiest most capable people I know who I haven’t interacted with much for years, got on board and did a truly stellar job. Besides visual errors, she made some observations about words I repeat (far more than I realized) and suggested alternatives. At first I felt naked, unskilled, but I soon felt that I’d received the most caring of gifts–and she’s offered to help similarly with other books. I like to be capable and handle such things myself, but my “need” permitted a great gift to be offered and received. If I had just considered it criticism and felt embarrassed by my failings and not taken advantage of her offer, the gift would have been given but would have remained unwrapped, of no purpose or value or use in my life. Instead I’ve been amazingly enriched and cared for, in relationship, too, so that a “need” has just resulted in a blessing I would have missed if this situation had not occurred. She didn’t say until end if she liked the book or not, which tested my angst, but then I was happy to learn that she did. Outcome? Feeling humbled and very grateful.
Author
Dee: So much wisdom in what you shared. Yes, we have to be vulnerable to receive feedback from others. It’s scary, isn’t it? And sometimes the positive input — the nourishing words — don’t come first. And that’s hard, hard, hard. But you chose to wait, and you chose to receive the help you were given as a gift, not as a judgement against you or your abilities. And I know your friend benefited from her interaction with you. Everyone does!
Yum. Love this, Beth. Wisdom packaged in the perfect words is powerful. Thanks. Love you.
Author
Gloria,
I can’t help but think of the times we spent together in our critique group and how we lovingly encouraged one another as writers. We believed in one another — and in our dreams. Much growth occurred during that time — and continues to this day.
Great post, Beth, and an excellent question. I think my ‘best criticisms’ have come from within, that small voice telling me that I can do better.
Oh, very well. The best criticism I got was from a marriage counselor after Barbara and I were divorced in 2003. She gently suggested that I remove my head from its then anatomically difficult position, and look at what my arrogance had done to a woman who loved me.
Evidently I did, for we were remarried in 2004.
Author
And now I’m smiling, my friend. You have such a way with words. And you are so honest. 🙂
Author
Andrew: Insightful words, as always.