Today I welcome author and friend Varina Denman to the blog! Varina writes stories about the unique struggles women face. Her award-winning Mended Hearts series, which revolves around church hurt, is a compelling blend of women’s fiction and inspirational romance. A native Texan, Varina lives near Fort Worth with her husband and five mostly grown children. Connect with Varina on her website or one of the social media hangouts.
I’m a bonafide introvert, and as such, I’d rather stay home than go out with a friend. Don’t get me wrong, I know some great women, but small talk isn’t my thing. I’m more at ease with two friends because I can let the two of them do most of the talking, and I can nod and mmhmm, and keep to myself.
Lucky for me, some of my best friends have the same character trait, and when we get together, we talk about how we’d rather be at home and how difficult it is to chit-chat. Of course, we don’t include each other in that assessment, because it’s EASY to talk to someone who is just like you.
But it’s strange. When my life gets bumpy, I often forget to ask my friends for help. Since my natural instinct is to stay home alone, I tend to take care of my problems myself. Or try to. My girlfriends may never know what I’m going through because I don’t think to tell them.
Shame on me. Not only did God bless me with friends, but he gave me women who understand me. They know I’m an introvert, and they get it. But still, I have to move out of my comfort zone and let them be my friends. It’s my responsibility to take advantage of the blessings God gave me and to remember that I’m not alone.
In Jilted, book three in the Mended Hearts series, Lynda Turner has forgotten how much she needs friends. Granted she has good reasons: she was jilted by more than one man, the local congregation shunned her, and her friends turned their backs. Now she must learn to trust her friends—even an attractive man—to be there for her when life gets tough.
In Your Words: Are you and introvert or an extrovert? When times are tough, is it easy or difficult for you to reach out to others and let them know you need help?
Giveaway!
Varina is giving away a copy of her latest release Jilted, which is now available online and in stores! I’ve read Jaded, and loved Varina’s writing, and look forward to reading the rest of her series. To enter, leave a comment below and be sure to include your email so I can contact you.
Contest is open to US winners only.
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Comments 22
Well, wow. You have me pegged.
I have never been as depressed and as bereft of hope as I am now, and have never been as completely unable to reach out.
The depression feels like my just deserts, and why on earth would I want to give anyone the full story of what’s happening? How can I justify raining on someone else’s parade?
God will do what He wants. I accept that, and will absorb the blows. Fair enough. Bring it. It’ll kill me, but so what?
A big part of depression is the inability to seek help, or even to recognize the need for it, but it sounds like you already know that. I’ve been in pretty bad shape before (and odds are, I’ll be there again), and I’m so very sorry you’re going through it now. But those voices that are telling you not to reach out to others, are speaking lies. Depression is too hard to manage alone. I’m not sure what you mean by the last two lines, but I do know God wants the best for you. Feel free to email me. varina {at} varinadenman {dot} com.
I would have to honestly say that I’m a little bit of both! I love to be there for others when they need help, but when it comes to myself I’m afraid to ask others for help because it’s so hard sometimes. It’s definitely something that I’ve been working on since I’ve had to learn that I can’t do everything by myself. God has blessed me with an amazing group of family and friends for a reason!
I am one of those rare extrovert writers. 🙂 But I’ve found that just as it’s hard for you to depend on someone else, it’s hard for me. I’m the one people come to and say, “fix it.”
Sometimes when you’re the “fix it” person, your friends forget that you might need fixing too every now and then. 🙂
I would say a bit of both. I’m great at helping others and reaching out, but when it comes to needing help myself, I tend to be quiet and not be vocal. I should really work on that 🙂
I am an introvert. I don’t like to be the center of attention and don’t like going places where I don’t know anyone unless I can get lost in the crowd. I hold things in and internalize a lot and don’t like to share whats going on with others. Its true when they say that people say they are fine but really you have to ask the deeper question as to what is going on.
So true. And I have a few good friends I can talk to (the ones who ask me the deeper question), but really, it only takes one or two friends. That’s the bright side, I guess! Since I’m an introvert, I don’t need a crowd. 🙂
I am mostly introvert although I’m learning to be a little extrovert. Since I’ve been with a great group of ladies for Bible study the last three years I’ve learned more to share what is going on in my life.
I love a good Bible study! Sometimes I feel like a different person when I’m in a comfortable group. 🙂
Varina, your post resonated with me. I’m both an extrovert and an introvert, depending on the situation. Here’s what I’ve learned about myself. Especially in a large group of friends, it’s EASY for me to sit back and stay quiet. I don’t have to worry about saying the wrong thing. It’s comfortable to stay quiet.
But, when I do this, I’m not engaging. When I don’t engage with friends, the deeper connections aren’t made. So, I’m making more effort to jump in there with my words and thoughts. Does that make sense?
It’s so good to see you here today!
Jeanne, that makes complete sense! I’ve noticed that the longer I write (and spend hours alone in my office), the harder it is to engage when I’m around friends. And the less I engage with friends, the more introverted I become. I’ve started forcing myself into social situations now (well, you know, a little bit), simply because I feel myself slipping too far away from the real world.
May your forays into social situations be as comfortable as possible, Varina! 🙂
I forgot to leave my email address. I’d love to be entered into the drawing.
wetalk2biz(at)q(dot)com
I heard so many great things about Jilted. I would so love to win a copy to read and review!
Beth, I love the hummingbird necklace. Seeing one reminds me so much of my mother-in-law. She loved hummingbirds.
tumcsec(at)gmail(dot)com
Thank you, Gail! I love hummingbirds too, and I get ridiculously happy when the birds visit them. This year we have two feeders, but the little guys only use one of them. Go figure. 🙂
The covers are beautiful!
Thank you, Joan! 🙂
Beth, thank you for hosting me on your blog today. I’ve enjoyed being here, and meeting some of your introverted and extroverted readers. 🙂
What a great interview! Thanks for posting!!
I’m definitely an introvert. I need my alone time and look for escapes from large or lively groups of people. This isn’t to say that I am a hermit, cowering in the corner, but I need alone to refuel. 😉
I’m usually very resourceful and can work things out on my own. If I do need help, family is who I go to first. I rarely seek comfort or help from others, but am oftentimes the person others come to for the same.
nicnac63 AT hotmail DOT com
I am an introvert. I might have a little problem reaching out to others. I do like my time alone – when I just go to my room and read my books.
mbarri7@me.com
I am an introvert. This drives my family crazy. Thanks for the chance to win