Doing Better Than Your Best
@bethvogt
“I did the best I could.”
I’ve never been a fan of those six words.
Here’s how the conversation usually goes:
I’m sitting across from someone who is recounting a struggle they faced where there was no resolution. No improvement. And then they sum up their efforts by saying, “I did the best I could.”
I listen. Let their words be.
But inwardly, I’m cringing.
You did the best you could – and you expected some sort of different outcome? A better result?
All too often, “doing the best I could” is code for “Nothing changed, but it’s okay. It’s not my fault.” “Doing the best I could” means we think what we did – and what we’re doing – is sufficient. It’s carte blanche for saying and doing the same thing over and over again.
There’s no growth if we never get past that kind of thinking.
If we’re having problems with someone, or if we’re part of the problem in a relationship – and yes, it’s usually a bit of both, isn’t it? – then doing the best we can won’t help the situation get better. Our repeated behavior won’t produce change.
Growth happens when we realize “doing the best we can” isn’t enough. Or when we say, “I’m doing the best I can … and it isn’t helping.”
This is when we ask ourselves,” What else can I do? Is there some different way to understand this situation or another way to interact with this person, that will improve things?”
And often personal growth means asking for help.
When my first three kiddos were little, I confronted the reality that I was an angry mommy. “Reality” was the tearful face of my toddler after I’d yelled – too loudly and for no good reason.
I didn’t want to be an angry mommy. I didn’t want my children crushed under the weight of my anger. No child should have to carry the burden of an adult’s anger.
I could have said, “This is the best I can do.” It would have been the truth because of who I was at the time.
You know what? If that had been my response, I would also be saying, “I did the best I could” today to my now-adult children.
But instead, I sat on my living room floor and had a good cry. And then I stopped and said, “I want to do better than this. I want to be so much more than an angry mom. How does that happen?”
Change didn’t happen overnight. It was bathed in more tears and prayers and required that I face some ugly truth in my past.
But it was also worth all of the hard stuff because when I held my fourth child in my arms years later, I embraced both her and the a-ma-zing truth that I was no longer an angry mommy.
I didn’t want to “do the best I could,” because that wasn’t good enough. I figured out how to do better.IMaya Angelou’s words expresses it so well: Growth in life is about doing the best we can with who we are and what we know, while always striving to know more, to become more, so we can do better.
In Your Words: How do you move past doing your best to doing better?
In Others' Words: Thoughts on How to Keep Growing -- Doing Better Than Your Best #growth #change Click To Tweet 'I did the best I could with what I knew; now that I know better, I will do better.' #quote by @MayaAngelou #growth Click To Tweet
Comments 6
I did the best I could,
and in the face of death,
the thought of what I would
have done, simply steals my breath.
The information at the moment,
and the part-formed me
became the fell opponent
that rose, denying the key
that might have just allowed
the better to come forth;
what transpired was truly flawed
and hamstrung in its worth.
The best I could may be a fraud
but it’s all that I can offer God.
Author
Andrew: Thank you for starting off the conversation with your own inimitable style. And you, friend, always strive for better than your best.
Hats off for another pithy, excellent, thought-provoking post. I recall not wanting to raise my 2 sons as I had been raised and so let behavior get too out of hand before doing anything and then I reacted in an explosive response similar (though not as extreme) as I had experienced. That shook me and triggered me to find some answers. I’m sure my parenting didn’t hit “excellent”, but my sons always knew they were valued, loved, and blessed, and that goes a very long ways to help balance less than perfect times. Thank you for being candid again.
Author
Dee: Thank you for joining the conversation and sharing your insights — they’re always so valuable. One of my children told me that the best thing about me as a mom was that I wasn’t perfect. (That’s another blog post!) But it’s never about aiming for perfection — I gave that up a long time ago. Better and better — that’s my goal. 🙂
Oh my goodness, what a wisdom-packed post, Beth! I’ve thought those words, but I agree with you. The only way things change is if I am willing to be changed from the inside out, via the hand of the Lord working in me.
I’ve learned that settling for good enough seldom is good enough. God has reminded me that His best is what He desires, and it often comes through struggle, humility and acknowledging areas in my life that need His touch.
Author
Jeanne: You spoke words of wisdom, too, friend. We should always be seeking God’s best for us — and for others.