A few weeks ago, I blew it with a family member.
I got upset about something and then I let my anger fuel my words.
And yes, I regret what I said to that person. But even more, I regret how I spoke to that person.
All this year, I’ve said over and over again that I don’t want to be an angry person. And, in those few moments, I ignored that determination and went with my emotion. Even more, I ignored how much I value my relationship with that person — how much I value that person — and just acted and spoke out of anger.
I’m thankful to say our relationship survived. We talked things out. I asked forgiveness and it was granted. The only way get past a verbal misstep is to own up to it, apologize, and then allow time to smooth out any rough edges that remain.
In Your Words: How do you avoid speaking words you’ll regret?
In Others' Words: Words of Regret http://bit.ly/2PSqTo0 #quotes #relationships Click To Tweet 'Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.' Quote by Laurence J. Peter http://bit.ly/2PSqTo0 #anger #regret Click To Tweet
Comments 10
Aw, this one’s easy. Just get yourself terminally ill with two excruciatingly painful forms of cancer, and you’re good to go.
Talking hurts, literally, so in learning to think before speaking, I learned how to weigh my words, and hence my thoughts, carefully.
This brought a surprising learning, that a lot of what I thought, and said, was concerned with keeping my ego inflated, and was this often required deflating the ego of another.
That’s not a fun glance into the mirror.
A minor example – this evening my wife assumed something about the pain I’m dealing with (something out of ‘Alien’, if you need to know) that was just flat-out wrong, but it was well-intenioned, from a perspective that seemed right to her but was over the cliff into error.
Not walking this road, she couldn’t see that.No one could.
So I let it go, and said, “Thank you for what you’ve said, for your sympathy.”
I don’t have to be right. I just have to die with the honour of kindness.
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Andrew: A hard-earned perspective, indeed. But yes, kindness over being right? That is the better choice, isn’t it?
Kindness is always the right choice.
Aw, Beth, I’m sorry y’all had to go through that. Moments like those are so great to remind ourselves we’re human and fallible, right? Not exactly great words we’d love to have attributed to ourselves. Yet, those are exactly the reasons why we have God. I think those are some of the reasons He loves us, because He gets to be the Hero in our stories. He gets to scoop us into His arms and hug us until we feel better and can behave ourselves like the good little princes and princesses we are. I hate messing up, particularly where relationships are concerned, but I am so grateful for our perfect and loving and forgiving God who loves me through every mistake I make. I’m glad He helped you two reconcile! That is such a moment to treasure, even as difficult as it must have been. Major hugs, girlfriend! You’re awesome. Know why? Because your heart and compassion are beautiful.
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Andrea: Thank you for reflecting God’s love to me. 🙂
Aw, Beth, you’re getting me all misty-eyed. It always amazes me when God speaks through me. I am humbled by and grateful for your comment.
I try and anticipate ahead of time when I’m in a conversation that I know could go bad how I will react. I’m not a confrontational personality so I tend to withdraw rather than speak in anger, which is not always good either because I stew over it. It’s a life-long task to learn to harness the tongue. Good thoughts, Beth.
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Jan: Yes, sometimes things have to be confronted. I agree with you on that. Withdrawing doesn’t always help. And, as a sign on my mantle says: “Live by grace, not perfection.”
Wish I could say with authority that this or that works, but I struggle often. I’m not one to shout my anger, but it does come out in little snarky remarks sometimes. If my husband is around, he’ll shoot me a look and I’ll shut up. (I hate it when he becomes my conscience, lol.) If I recognize it in myself quickly enough, I will walk away before I can say anything. One time at work I was on the phone with someone who was being very argumentative, and I tried to keep my cool, but I was losing the battle. Since it was a phone conversation, I told the other person I was going to hang up before I said something both of us would regret. He continued to argue, so I reminded him again that I was going to hang up. And I did. We both apologized to each other later.
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Toni: Hanging up? That is sometimes the wisest thing to do. You ended the conversation — with a “hey, I need to hang up before this conversation goes south” — because you didn’t want to say things that you’d regret. I applaud you for that. And for apologizing later.