Choosing to be Kind and Gracious
by @bethvogt
Two stories collided the other day – and erupted in kindness and grace.
The collision played out on national TV during a morning news show, and so I wonder if most people viewed it as merely news, overlooking the exchange of kindheartedness and graciousness.
Allow me to recount the story for you:
On Monday, April 22, two disparate stories played out on the Today Show:
- Meteorologist Dylan Dreyer shared her struggle with miscarriage and secondary infertility.
- News anchor Jenna Bush Hager announced she was 5 ½ months pregnant with her third child.
It was revealed later that neither woman knew what the other one was going to say that morning. Hager’s announcement was a surprise – the timing was based on the fact she and her husband had told their two daughters she was pregnant the day before. Dreyer’s news segment coincided with National Infertility Awareness Week. And so, their stories collided in a very public way: One woman discussing her sorrow and loss and longing for another child. Another woman celebrating an unexpected pregnancy.
Of course, social media – Twitter and Instagram – lit up with people responding to both women’s stories. But one of the first comments I read was shockingly negative, shaming Hager for sharing her pregnancy news on the same day Dreyer talked about her infertility.
What?
Yes, at first, the timing for the two stories could seem awkward at best, even insensitive. But it was also an honest view of real life. How we can be dealing with one thing – a joy-filled occasion – and be unaware that the person next to us can be grieving. And the other person can be our close friend.
The truth is, Hager understands Dreyer’s heartache because she’s experienced the pain of infertility, too.
Here’s the beautiful part of this story … the part I keep thinking about. How Dreyer and Hager responded to one another as friends who know and love one another. As friends who respect each other’s story. As they discussed how the pregnancy and infertility intertwined on Monday morning in front of thousands of TV viewers, Dreyer said, “Your joy doesn’t add to my sadness.”
How kind. How gracious. How understanding.
So often our story collides with someone else’s story and we may never realize it. But when the intertwining happens in such a way that we know … that we see the reaction or we have a chance to respond … may we choose kindness. May we choose grace.
We can decide to think the worst of someone else, or we can choose to think better of them. We can pause and realize that, in the midst of someone’s joy, they can also recognize and have room to embrace our pain. We can understand that a time of celebration does not mean someone will overlook our heartache. The one does not preclude the other – not in the presence of a true friend.
What Do We Do When Our Stories Collide? Choosing to Be Kind and Gracious http://bit.ly/2PsO4Ge #friendship #bekind Click To Tweet 'Your joy doesn't add to my sadness' quote by @DylanDreyerNBC @JennaBushHager http://bit.ly/2PsO4Ge #NationalInfertilityAwarenessWeek #friendship Click To Tweet 'What wisdom can you find that is greater than kindness?' quote by Jean-Jacques Rousseau http://bit.ly/2PsO4Ge #bekind #relationships Click To Tweet
Comments 14
I try to think the best of others
except for some I’ve met.
God said that we are brothers,
but I remember Tet.
Do you recall Hue City?
Did you see it then?
Can you raise some pity
for boys who were never men?
Charlie killed for purpose
and then he killed for fun
in service of a worthless
cause, already gone undone.
Forgiveness may be victory,
but no, never, not from me.
‘Charlie’ is the colloquial name for the Viet Cong, abbreviated VC – Victor Charlie.
Author
Honoring you and those you remember, my friend.
Thank you so much, Beth.
It is interesting that all seasons of the turning wheel of life happen around us at the same time, like the beautifully balanced patterns given in Eccles. 3 and sung about by the Byrds in a rendition that can hardly be improved on. Balance–being glad (or sad) for someone else while we may be experiencing the opposite. Someone once told me that the strength of a wheel is provided by its spokes pressing in with opposite strengths. I get that and think it applies here.
Author
Dee: Thank you for reminding us of the “seasons” analogy, and how we can be experiencing a time to dance, while someone is experiencing a time to mourn. (The title of the song you refer to is “Turn! Turn! Turn! (To Everything There is a Season))
Sharing in times of joy and in times of sadness is truly showing the love of God. We need each other and leaning on each other is a special blessing.
Author
Melissa: Yes, we do need each other, and it’s true grace to allow space for each other’s stories, even if they are conflicting.
Lovely and inspiring! Thx for sharing!
Author
Kelly: I’m glad to know you were encouraged by today’s post. 🙂
It’s easy to get stuck in our own little world with our own big problems. But I often find that showing grace and empathy to others somehow lessens my own pain.
Dreyer’s response to Hager was inspiring, as was Hager’s empathy for Dreyer. Communication and understanding are key for friendships.
Thanks for sharing this story. We didn’t see it that day.
Author
Angela: You are so right — it’s amazing how showing empathy to someone else can lessen our pain. You can go to the Today Show website and see clips of the interaction between Jenna and Dylan. https://www.today.com/parents/dylan-dryer-shares-fertility-struggle-jenna-bush-hager-t152603
Thanks for bringing this to attention.
What strikes me is that both these women and their families are on the side of LIFE!
Author
Yes, Paula! Such a beautiful perspective! 🙂
What a beautiful story. I love when we’re happy for others no matter our circumstances. It seems it can only lift our spirits and make us happier too, even if just a little.