In Others’ Words: Choosing Which Moments Define Us

Beth Vogtchoices, In Others' Words, perspective 15 Comments

Of Milestones and Moments

@bethvogt

At some point in our lives, we’ve all been cautioned not to make a mountain out of a molehill.

Some well-meaning person thinks we’re overreacting to a situation – or maybe thinks we’re overreacting to them – and wants us to calm down. Maybe they’re right . Maybe we need to step back and take a deep breath. Or maybe the situation, whatever it is, warrants a little emotion.

Today, I’d like to put a little spin on the whole mountain-molehill cliché and share how my friend Wise Guy taught me not to make a “milestone out of a moment.”

I met Wise Guy at a time when I’d established quite a number of milestones in my life. They were emotional markers I’d set up through the years so I could look back over my shoulder and say, “And then this happened” over and over again.

In doing so, I could explain myself.

My behavior.

My woundedness.

My heart-limp, if you would.

There were the mini-milestones – life events that impacted me. Breaking off an engagement at 20, for example – and how just about everyone told me I was making the biggest mistake of my life. These well-meaning friends, of course, didn’t know the whole story.

Yes, that story is another blog post.

And then there was “the” milestone. The experience that loomed largest, that always seemed to ensnare me, as if to say, “Who you are starts and ends here.” Childhood abuse has a way of rooting itself deep in your soul. Of obscuring all other milestones.

Wise Guy challenged me with two questions: “Is the abuse going to be a defining moment in your life? Or just a moment?”

Up until he asked the questions, I hadn’t realized that choosing was an option.

For so long, what had happened to me had been so big, so bad, it was the all-powerful Defining Moment in my life. And I assumed it always would be so.

Wise Guy’s questions – and his counsel – helped me see how I believed the lie that someone else’s actions defined me. Over time, I also realized I could confront the biggest emotional milestone in my life and choose to change it – to downsize it – into just a moment.

Did this happen overnight? No. You don’t define yourself one way for years and years – how you act and react to people and situations – and then magically transform your thinking because someone says, “Hey, you’ve been looking at this the wrong way. Think moment, not milestone.”

But my understanding the truth that “what happened to you doesn’t define you” was the first step to toppling that monumental emotional marker in my life.

Life is both milestones and moments. But we need to carefully choose which moments we commemorate with milestone markers.

And we can choose.

That’s the truth.

In Your Words: Milestones or moments or both: what is your life made of? 

In Others' Words: Choosing Which Moments Define Us http://bit.ly/2C8Avpl #choices #perspective Share on X 'Life isn't a matter of milestones, but of #moments.' #Quote by Rose Kennedy http://bit.ly/2C8Avpl Share on X

 

Comments 15

  1. The banality of the common second
    flew beneath my notice
    for so long, and I reckoned
    the long vision was the lotus-
    flower of an understanding wise.
    But ere the days of pain and death
    I’ve come to see, in shocked surprise
    that every moment’s life and breath
    was sent by God, not made by me
    And far from wishing discomfort fly
    I had to quell my lust to flee
    the hill where ’twas worthy for me to die.
    Upon evr’y heart that needs refining
    every holy moment is defining

    1. Post
      Author

      “The banality of the common second” — what a beautiful turn of phrase, my friend.
      And yes, moments are holy …
      and God does use them all … and brings good out of all things. I do believe this.

    1. Post
      Author
  2. Absolutely beautiful and helpful post and truth–proud of you!
    I used to like the saying, “Want to make a mole hill into a mountain? Just add a little dirt to it.” But I see now that that statement trivializes the matter and suggests we are responsible for mountains that really do need attention and often outside help to get them reduced to manageable size–or for us to become skillful mountain climbers and stand on top.
    Great post, Beth!

    1. Post
      Author

      Dee: You highlight an excellent point — how we often go the self-help route to healing. We’re so independent, we can fail to acknowledge our need for the wise counsel of others, as well as the support, comfort, and prayer.

  3. Thank you for the encouragement – I’m thankful for this today! This past year has been a long lesson about pain. It seems it is much more about how I receive it than it’s intention. To reference Andrew’s comment, my ‘heart that needs refining’ can be cleansed by the antiseptic of pain if I remember that it comes through the fingers of my almighty, ever faithful, covenant keeping God who shows us through the life of Joseph that what is meant for ill can turn to gold in the surrendered heart. May I always surrender!

    1. Post
      Author
    1. Post
      Author
  4. Yes, learning how to NOT let these significant moments define me is hard. Some more so than others. I’m living through one of them now and trying desperately to surrender it to the Lord and not let it be ‘who I am’. But I don’t yet feel ‘undefined’ by it. What I am is encouraged by your words! Thank you. 😀

    1. Post
      Author
    1. Post
      Author

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *