@bethvogt
I worry about my mother-in-law every single day.
I’m familiar with humorist Erma Bombeck’s assessment of worry: “Worry is like a rocking chair; it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.”
Still, I find myself rocking away day after day.
Ruth – “MiMaw” to her four grandchildren and seven great-grandchildren – turns 102 years old in October and lives in an assisted nursing facility all of six minutes from our house. But because of the coronavirus pandemic, we haven’t seen her since March.
We understand the facility has restricted visitors for the residents’ safety during the pandemic. We’ve accepted – a bit begrudgingly – that we can’t drop off flowers to her. What’s the point when anything coming into the building is liberally doused with Clorox?
Yes, my mother-in-law is undeniably old. Her bodily strength failed her to the point she can no longer care for herself or walk, but anyone who meets her is always surprised how sharp she is for her age.
Until COVID-19 confined her to a small room all day, every day, since mid-March.
Four months of isolation is its own type of crisis.
As the weeks have gone by, she’s struggled more and more to remember things. We’re limited to phone calls with her, sometimes two or three phone calls each day. Often Ruth will call us an hour or so after we’ve talked to her and she’ll have no recollection of our previous conversation.
Ruth struggles remembering what day of the week it is. Hey, don’t we all? But now she also struggles remembering our children’s names, her grandchildren’s names, where they live, and if my husband, her only child, has a job.
The irony in all of this?
The isolation that has so far protected my mother-in-law from COVID-19, has created another very real problem for her. The stress of the ongoing confinement has harmed her mentally and emotionally.
She’s being taken care of – protected, even. And we are thankful.
But my mother-in-law is separated from family members who love her like no one else can. Physical touch? Minimal. Conversation with others? Minimal. Entertainment? Limited to enjoying audiobooks and the view out her window. TV? Not so much, due to her severe macular degeneration.
We hope to see my mother-in-law next week. She’ll leave her room – finally! – for a controlled 30-minute visit on the covered patio in the fresh Colorado air.
With masks.
No touching.
No hugs.
We’ll take it. We can only hope and pray she’ll remember our time together
This is hard, real life during a pandemic. Thousands of other people face the daily loss of time with elderly family members, too.
This emotion I experience every day that I so easily label worry? If I examine it more closely, it’s a mixture of worry and grief and a certain resigned acceptance. I’m learning to take each day as it comes while continuing to hold on to hope and looking for reasons to be thankful. Care to join me?
Being Honest About Worry https://bit.ly/38A0BkS #pandemic #family Click To Tweet 'The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.' Quote by Audrey Hepburn https://bit.ly/38A0BkS #relationships #isolation Click To Tweet
Comments 14
I totally love this and that’s a great picture of Rob and his mom. Great Bombeck quote, too. So glad an in-person visit will be scheduled, even if limited. I’m sure that will help rejuvenate Ruth a bit. God bless you and the whole situation.
Author
Dee: The window visits have helped some — at least Rob’s mom knows we are close. And yes, the visit next week, while controlled, will be wonderful. Rob told his mom about it and it’s something for her — and us — to look forward to.
Some think all life must be protected,
and if it can, it must be so,
but the altar where they’ve genuflected
is placed within the Church of Woe.
When we bow to abject fear
and make its dictates Holy Writ,
the days we live turn pale and drear,
and that is not the worst of it,
for when daybreak shall come again
with its clean-washed and lovely skies,
our hearts will have changed by then
and so their windows, our own eyes
will place over bright-shining sun
a filter and a masque of dun.
Author
Andrew: There’s truth in your words, my friend. Tragic truth. I know they are protecting the residents of the assisted living facility — and they’ve had no COVID-19 cases. But the cure itself is harmful … long-term isolation is taking its toll on the residents.
Thankful you and your husband will be able to see his mother. The only deaths we have had a result of COVID-19 in Defuniak Springs was due to the virus. They have had numerous residents recover. This too shall pass, rather sooner than later.
Author
JoAnn: We are thankful for the upcoming visit too. Always looking for reasons to be grateful.
Beth,
I’m sure the administrators and nurses love Ruth. They want to provide the best care for her while juggling family needs and government regulations. I haven’t seen my parents since December, so I get it. It’s hard. But if Ruth’s community is like the one where my husband works, she is being prayed for and cared for to the best of their ability.
I’m heart-broken we all have to go through the distancing. I pray you have a wonderful visit, and I know you’ll bring her joy.
Hugs to you my friend!
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Jackie: We know the decision to lockdown the facility was made to protect the residents; as a matter of fact, Ruth’s facility closed a week sooner than any other in the Springs. We are thankful for that, and we know the caregivers do care for her. It’s hard for everyone involved, yes. This post comes from the weariness of it all, I guess, not because anyone is doing anything wrong. And because, as my friend said, we’re losing precious days with our elderly parents. It can’t be changed, I recognize that.
Hi Beth,
I only wanted to try to comfort you, and I hope my words came across that way. We’re weary too. I completely get it. This Friday we were supposed to go visit our parents. My parents are 82, and Tim’s mom is 94. So many cases have popped up in SC, and we finally came to a decision it’d be safer for our family if we don’t go yet. We’re weary right along with you.
I was happy to read your post and know that you will get to see Ruth. Thirty minutes won’t be near long enough, but it’s something. I’m adding you and your family to my prayers.
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Jackie: You’re a good friend, in the same situation as I am. I appreciate your understanding and prayers. I’m praying for you, too.
Best wishes you’re able to visit her.
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Thank you, Denise.
I‘ve witnessed the effects of isolation on my parents and we continue to see its effects on Hubby’s grandmother. It feels like you’re winning the battle and losing the war, but we know God is leading the charge. Take heart, friend.🧡
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Oh, Robin, thank you for your perspective, friend. Yes, God is leading the charge.