@bethvogt
Sometimes I think my now-adult children believe I didn’t want them to grow up.
Yes, there are days I miss their toddler voices. The funny ways they mangled words and their odd preferences for a particular food or a stuffed animal or a certain pair of pajamas.
I’ll even admit to saying, “Why you want to leave me?” in a very bad Greek accent, à la the overprotective father in the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding, when they were older and leaving home for extended trips.
But that was nothing more than a joke. Really.
What my children didn’t realize back then, when they were oh-so-eager to be big, is that my husband and I were all about letting them grow up.
We start letting our children go the day we cheered them on as they pulled up to stand, grasping the side of their crib. Next, we held their hands until they were ready for us to let go so they could take their first wobbly steps on their own – away from us.
Sending them to school? Letting go.
Encouraging them to participate in sports? A giant step in letting them go, as we signed those “you can’t hold us responsible if your child is injured, maimed, or dies” release forms. I lost track of how many of those my husband and I signed during the years. Sure, we wanted our children to play soccer. To wrestle. To horseback ride. To be on the swim team. To play volleyball. All of these experiences help them mature.
And it’s scary, too.
Don’t get me started on teaching them to drive – but yes, that’s a right of passage that’s all a part of growing up.
I’ve always said being a mom means cheering on my children as they pursue their dreams. It also means getting out of their way as they grow up and make life choices. Bigger and bigger choices.
The cheering part? That’s easy. Fun.
Getting out of their way? Okay, sometimes that took me a little longer to do. But I knew it was for their best – and mine, too. I wanted them to grow up into the person God made them to be. To make their choices. To use their talents.
Perhaps children need to realize that, all the while they are growing up, their parents are growing up, too.
Having the title of “mom” and “dad” doesn’t mean we don’t have things to learn. Some of the most important things we needed to discover? Who our children are. How to best love and support them. And this is an ongoing process.
Even while we’re cheering on our kiddos and helping them grow up, we’re changing too. Dealing with our stuff. Dragging a few skeletons out of the closet and tossing them in the trash.
Sure, it would be nice if we’d done all our maturing before children came along – but that’s not how it works. The best kind of life is one where we never stop changing. Where we embrace our own growth – and our children’s growth, too.
Giving Each Other Room to Grow Up https://bit.ly/3ekAvUH #parents #children Click To Tweet 'All children, except one, grow up.' Quote from Peter Pan by author J.M. Barrie https://bit.ly/3ekAvUH #families #perspective Click To Tweet
Comments 8
I love this post and you and Rob have done a great job modeling what you have written here and made most of it look like fun in the process. Well done, parents. I hope this post goes very far.
Author
Thank you, Dee, for the encouragement. We love our children so much — and we are proud of them, too. They are one of our best blessings.
Our son is 36 years old. My husband and I have definitely grown in maturity and faith as our son has grown. 🙂 I believe there is always opportunity for growth.
Author
Melissa: I love your your perspective on growth. I’ve always said that motherhood rubbed off my rough spots, revealing both my weaknesses and my strengths.
A birdie in a whisper told
me of the days I walked among,
that never am I growing old
for I was never young.
I did not have the carefree time
that dawned with each new day,
the indolence that’s not a crime,
the joy of pointless play.
But having not these idle things
meant I would never see
that change was waiting in the wings
to make adult of me,
and the level nature of my road
freed me of age’s climbing load.
Author
Andrew: Your poem is so poignant, my friend. So poignant. It’s one of my favorites, too …
Beth, I was nodding my head at almost every line. Being in the throes of launching teen boys finds me letting go and, right now, pushing them toward things they need (hello, summer job), and figuring out how to walk this road with them. And yes, my husband and I have learned so much. We’ve had to remind the boys that we’ve never parented teenaged boys before, and we’re going to make mistakes. We are all learning how to give each other the gifts of grace and forgiveness . . . all while letting go.
Such a beautiful post, my friend.
Author
Thank you for letting me know you understand … and yes, parenting teenagers has its own set of challenges. But Rob and I cherished the teen years, too. We loved our relationships with our children … and we wanted to have relationships with our children on the other side of the teen years, too. Of course, it wasn’t just our choice. We’re thankful for every conversation, every time we laughed together …