My son-in-love, David, lost his mom when he was 10 years old.
Losing your mom when you’re a young child? I see the faint flicker of his heartache in David’s eyes whenever he mentions his mom.
All of us are familiar with the companionship of grief.
Throughout our lives, we all must learn and relearn the halting steps of grief when varied circumstances, sometimes expected or tragic, ambush our hearts with sorrow.
We wrestle with questions like “why” and “how.” We try to manage our grief with stages and to piece our broken hearts back together with platitudes.
Sometimes nothing helps. Sometimes silence helps. And sometimes … sometimes something someone says helps.
David, a man well-acquainted with journeying with grief, shared a thought with me a few days ago that is helping him shoulder his loss more easily.
“Grief never gets smaller,” David said, recounting something he’d heard while watching a TV drama. “You have to end up growing bigger than your grief and you do that by letting other people in.”
We often try to downsize grief. We tell people that they should be over it, as if what they were grieving – the loss of a spouse or the loss of a relationship or the loss of a job – was no big deal. That it’s not worth the time or attention they’re giving to it. As if you can put a stopwatch on heartbreak.
But rather than minimizing grief, maybe we should give ourselves – and others – time to grow bigger than our grief so we can bear up under our pain.
What if we invited others in to our grief? Or what if we were willing to risk to step into someone else’s grief? Let’s be honest, sorrow is an uncomfortable emotion for those of us walking through it and for those of us offering someone else a shoulder to lean on.
One of the things my son-in-love did to help him face his grief? David imagined seeing his mom again in heaven one day. Sitting down and having a conversation with her, talking about all the things he’d done with his life. David wants their conversation to be good.
And it’s going to be … because my son-in-love, David? He’s chosen to grow bigger than his grief. He’s chosen to let other people into his life. I know his mom would be proud of the man he has become and will continue to become … and I’m overjoyed to call David my son.
Yes, grief can shape you … but can be a beautiful, beautiful thing.
How Grief Shapes Us http://bit.ly/39WDjFx #perspective #hope Click To Tweet 'Our grief is as individual as our lives.' Quote by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross http://bit.ly/39WDjFx #grief #perspective Click To Tweet
Comments 10
I’ve had quite my fill of grief,
like being hit by half-a-dozen trucks,
or torn by alligator teeth;
whatever, dude, it really sucks.
There’s been too much has been lost,
too many faces gone away,
and when I face that brutal cost
I’m not too thrilled when people say
that they are now in Jesus’ arms,
that they are walking golden roads
free from any earthly harms,
relieved of any earthly loads.
It’s not I doubt Christ’s victory,
but I want them safe with ME.
Author
I’ve nothing to add to your eloquent sonnet, Andrew. The last line reverberates with the truth … how grief overflows with longing to see again the ones we love so much.
Praying for you, my friend.
What a great, wise, healing understanding your Son-in-love, David, has come to regarding grief. That’s one of the best I’ve ever heard. Bless him and Amy and thanks for sharing!
Author
Dee: After Rob, David, Amy and I shared this conversation about grief, it stayed with me for several days. Reverberated in my heart. I knew it would become, with David’s permission, a blog post. And he was gracious enough to allow me to share his thoughts today. I’m so thankful he did.
This is a beautiful post. And David’s words are truly wise. I love the picture of growing bigger than the grief. I’m pondering this.
Author
Jeanne: It’s a powerful moment when our children teach us life-changing truths. I’ve experienced many of those … and I’m grateful for each one.
For some, it’s not easy to allow others in or find a way fully out of it. For them, we need to show more love, more prayers, and more understanding.
Author
Denise: Thank you for joining the conversation. Your insight is so vital. Yes, sometimes all we can do is be available. Pray. Always pray. And be there in real, practical ways.
I love this so much. Growing bigger than our grief makes grief feel more manageable, like there’s something I can do about it. Sometimes I need that one thought to hang onto so I don’t feel so overwhelmed by it.
Thanks, Beth and David. ❤️
Author
Kim: I will share your comment with David. One thing I know about you, my friend, you act on things. You embrace truth and change and growth.