@bethvogt
My son Josh and daughter-in-love Meagan stopped by our house on Monday.
“How are you?”
A simple enough question, right?
Not these days.
My son Josh is white. My daughter-in-love Meagan is black.
Meagan backed away from me. From responding. “I don’t want to cry. I can’t cry … I won’t stop crying …”
And then I held her as she said, “I keep thinking of Jackson …”
Jackson.
Their 6-year-old son.
Our grandson.
And then Meagan wept.
After her tears came the words. How racism has exhausted her. Devalued her.
- How her parents chose her name because it’s a white-sounding name so future employers wouldn’t evaluate her based on her race on a resume.
- How a teacher once told her she was better off as a slave. And I can’t even comprehend a teacher saying that to a student … I can’t.
- How she was constantly judged by her skin color … and often considered no better than an animal.
- How she has been called the N-word.
- How she and Josh have to defend their children at school because they are bullied because of the color of their skin.
Racism has seared my daughter-in-love’s soul in ways I can’t comprehend because I have never, will never, experience what she has.
Even as I held her and tried to comfort her, I couldn’t truly understand the life she has lived. The life she lives, day in and day out.
But I can choose to love her and love my GRANDkiddos. I can listen to her story.
I can stand with her, with my son, with my family, against racism.
I will not protest in ways that hurt and kill other people and destroy property.
I will choose family, again and again. Change starts within family – one family at a time.
I will choose hope. I will pray for change. For peace. For true, lasting reconciliation – which does not come through violence.
I want to recognize people for who they are.
I am a white woman – but I am not a racist.
My precious daughter-in-love is a black woman who has been wounded by racism. I see her for who she is.
And my desire is to see each person I meet, each person I interact with, for who they are: a reflection of the image of God.
I’m listening. Watching. Praying. Choosing my actions. And I am not abandoning hope.
The Fight Against Racism Starts Within Our Families https://bit.ly/2XV3Zlt #racism #hope Click To Tweet 'We all should know that diversity make for a rich tapestry and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color.' https://bit.ly/2XV3Zlt #MayaAngelou #diversity Click To Tweet
Comments 41
Well said, touching, and sweet! Thanks for sharing.
I just finished reading Moments We Forget and The Best We’ve Been and LOVED them both!
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Suzanne: Thank you for your words of encouragement.
I am so thankful that I, born in the South, was raised to not see color in a time that didn’t embrace that way of thinking. My prayer is that one day no one will see color, but only the heart of a person. Good post!
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Patricia: You have always been a loving person, a caring person — one who embraces people equally and who values each person for who they are. We can only influence within our sphere … and cause there that ripples out from there.
Beth, this breaks my heart to know she’s had to walk through any of this. I agree true reconciliation doesn’t cone from violence or revenge or hate. It comes from love.
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Mona: It is heartbreaking. And it is also beautiful that Meagan is a loving, kind woman in light of how she has been treated.
Well said Beth.l!
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Thank you, Alena. I know you are one who lives out grace and equality with others.
Beth, thank you for sharing your family’s story and challenging others to see that our road back from the devastation of racism begins within the walls of our homes. Thank you for speaking out that this is all of our responsibility, not just those who’ve been hurt by it.
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Thank you, my friend, for always speaking truth with honesty and grace — and inviting others to change. I admire and respect you so much.
Thank you Beth. I’m listening, and I’m trying to figure out how I can help to be the change. Why did I get the privilege of being white, and the history that goes with that? How can I do better to understand? This shows me just one way to help solve a problem that has roots so deep that we’ve seemingly forgotten that they are there.
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Teri: I’m asking myself again and again, “What is my sphere of influence?” Starting there.
I’m sorry you had to write this post but you did a beautiful job. I love the perfect graphic. I’m so glad you could hold Meagan and let her get some of her thoughts and tears out. No mother should experience such fears. There is no easy answer. It is proably going to take many times of shed tears, holding one another, and baby steps, including getting some of them wrong but having the grace to try again. I wish more of the good news actions happening in hard-hit neighborhoods also received attention. Meanwhile, we’re all reaching deep for much more prayer and much more kindness. Thank you, Beth. I’m thankful you are not abandoning hope.
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Dee: I look at Meagan, all she’s experienced, and she continues to choose love. To choose hope. And I will do the same.
Much needed words to live out. Thank you to you, and your brave hearts, your son and daughter-in-heart.
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Thank you, Renee. Change happens one day at a time. One choice at a time.
I have seen white men die,
and black men die as well.
I have seen Asians cry
in their own private hell.
I have seen brown skin rent
by bullet and by blade,
and taken tea in Bedou tent,
sharing a hot shade.
I have seen the Maori
do haka for real,
not Hollywood-flowery;
the shivers that you feel!
Through all, I’ve learned that what divides
is simply vain and foolish pride.
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Much truth in your words, Andrew.
Thank you, my friend.
Thank you for this post! My white daughter married a black man and I too have heard many heartbreaking stories from him and what his family has endured. My prayers and support are with all those who are hurting and broken. May all find hope in Jesus.
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Deena: Yes. We must choose hope. Speak hope. Trust God. And live out our hope.
Beth, I am so sorry your family is touched by this poison. On a similar but different note, my husband recently retired from 32 years as a state trooper. He’s a good Christian man …yet those who have tarnished the badge have affected how he is perceived as a law enforcement officer. We are a couple hours south of Ferguson, which was the source of nationwide riots just a few years ago. It’s been incredible to see the difference in how he was treated early in his career and then late in his career. We watch the news and are so thankful he retired last year. There are so many layers to this heartbreaking crisis in our nation, but I couldn’t agree with you more. It starts with families…with what we teach our children…with love… — As I read your moving post, I couldn’t help but think…is there a book in there? 🙂 May God bless Josh, Meagan, and Jackson abundantly amidst all this turmoil.
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Karen: Thank you for joining the conversation this morning. I agree with you that there are so many layers to this heartbreaking crisis. And yes, some law enforcement officers have tarnished the badge while so many others are honorable. I saw a photograph of a police officer praying with a protester. I also saw protesters protecting an police officer who’d been separated from his team. These give me hope.
Awww, Beth, my heart is in tears with all that is going on right now. And I’m so, so sorry Meaghan and so many others have had to endure racism.
Thank you for the reminder that change begins within our homes. For me, it begins with conversation with our sons, and listening to those who have walked a road far different from mine. It involves prayer and a waiting for God to show me how and where I can help be the change.
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Jeanne: Conversations are so important — talking, listening, looking for opportunities to understand and to change.
Beautiful post, Beth. I love your heart and the fact that God’s love always shows through in your posts. All that has happened has opened my eyes and I am educating myself in regards to my white privilege and fragility. Things must change. Thank you for speaking out so beautifully.
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Thank you, Sherrinda. I think we help one another at times like this as we try to understand and share how we are changing.
I can see how each generation gets better. The difference with my grandparents, my parents and my generation has made steps in the right direction. Some of our classmates in our Bible study class are of color and some of the most loving people I know. I see the difference in my two grandkids also. They have friends of color they play with every day. Let’s pray for understanding and God’s love in all of us no matter the color or race.
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Gail: I hope each of us sees change in our families.
Beautifully said.
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Thank you, Laura.
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What a beautiful post, Beth. I don’t understand racism. Please assure Meghan there are other white women in the world who care and don’t judge. We love because Jesus first loved us.
I’m sending love to your family because you said we need to start with one family.
Love always!
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Jackie: I will share you love with Meagan. Thank you, friend.
This is so true. Sadly, there are people in my family whose minds will not change their hardened hearts.
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Denise: It breaks my heart when people refuse to change. It is a choice, made over and again. But … never give up. I’ve learned you never know … the people we think will never change, do.
Every young African-American mother I know is scared for the life of their son or sons, in particular, but also for their daughters. It shouldn’t be this way, but in our broken land, it is. Your strategy of family clinging to one another and defending one another is solid and pleasing to God! Thank you for sharing your family story with us.
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Melinda: One of my daughters gave me a large board sign with a quote by Mother Teresa that says: “If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.” Change starts within our families … and it starts wit love.
Thanks for this important message. If we look at this issue with the eyes of family, it helps us see the heartache. Seeing others as part of the family helps us be more understanding and compassionate.
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Bruce: I love your perspective. Thank you for joining the conversation.
Thank you, Beth, for introducing me to Barb Roose via Instagram and to your own heart regarding the topic of racism. I have learned much these last few days thanks to gracious women like you and Barb sharing truth on social media. Yes, healing and educating starts at our family dinner tables.
Blessings ~ Wendy Mac
(P.S. I loved your latest book. It was easy to give it 5/5 stars on GoodReads & Amazon.ca because it was a wonderful heart-tugging read.)
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Wendy: I value your openness, your willingness to listen. That changes things — it changes us.
And thank you for your encouraging words about The Best We’ve Been.