@bethvogt
It’s so difficult to see someone we love struggle.
When a family member or friend is hurting, so often we want to rush in and fix the situation for them. Figure out some way to make everything better. If we can figure out the magic equation to make everything better … Poof! The difficult circumstances and devastating emotions overwhelming the person we love are gone.
We search for the right combination of comforting words. The right Scripture verse — the one that helped us when we struggled with similar circumstances. The perfect escape movie or book or activity. A quick trip to Target is always a pick-me-up, right, girlfriends?
But trying to fix their difficult situation? That’s exactly where we can go wrong. “Fixing it” can make others feel like we’re trying to “fix them.”
When we’re harassed emotionally — when we’re discouraged or doubting or depressed — is exactly when we don’t want to be analyzed and fixed.
We want to be loved.
“There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread, but there are many more dying for a little love.”
Mother Teresa (1910-1997), founder of the Order of the Missionaries of Charity
So how do we love someone who is struggling? I’ve learned the simplest expression of love can mean the most to others.
- Let’s pray for someone who is hurting — and be willing to pray silently. Prayer is a sacrificial act of love. Pray through those Scripture verses you want to share with your family member or friend. Consider this: When I first dealt with my abuse, there were times I struggled with prayer — both praying for myself, as well as hearing others pray for me. If someone asked, “Can I pray for you?” I learned to say, “Not out loud,” or “Maybe later.”
- Let’s practice “just because” acts of kindness. Write a note to let them know you’re thinking of them. Drop by with a bouquet of cheery flowers or their favorite coffee. No need to linger because they may not be up to entertaining you. Realize your thoughtfulness may not change how someone feels, but it’s always worthwhile to love through kindness.
How have you loved someone who was struggling instead of trying to fix them?
Choosing not to Fix Someone Who is Struggling https://bit.ly/3qhrly0 #relationships #love Click To Tweet 'A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal.' Quote by Steve Maraboli https://bit.ly/3qhrly0 #kindness #compassion Click To Tweet
Comments 6
What a thought-provoking post. Many of us are fixers. Sometimes that is our first instinct and easier to try to do than just to love and support. However, we never want them (or ourselves) to feel like projects being worked on. This is a great reminder to pause, consider, wait for clear divine instruction and timing.
Author
Dee: I think our desire to fix, to find a solution, is often well-meant. We want to help. But I was reminded this week in my desire to help to not forget to love someone. Love, first and foremost. Kindness and compassion.
My friend, I’ll fix your broken heart,
and all your problems, too;
this is where we’re gonna start,
and what we’re gonna do:
you say that you feel out of place
in this world, every day;
well, press-ups are your saving grace
to push the world away!
Now onward to the chinning bar,
and then we’ll do some crunches,
where, perchance, your shirt you’ll mar,
its becoming where your lunch is,
and then we’ll end with gentle fun;
boots on, ruck up, a ten-mile run!
Author
Oh, Andrew — you made me laugh with your sonnet today! Of course a workout is your answer to a struggle. I know that’s how you handle things!
I hate when they use emotional blackmail to try to fix–like that works. Not with me.
Author
Denise: You bring up a good point. Sometimes a person’s idea of “fixing” can be unhealthy and manipulative. We have to be discerning.