@bethvogt
A few weeks ago, I applied for long term health insurance. After all the ups and downs we’ve had with my mother-in-law’s care, my husband, Rob, and I want to do as much as we can to ease things in the future for our adult children.
Last week, the company denied my application.
Okay then.
Then the real fun started. I had to submit a form to get past the insurance company’s cryptic statement of “sorry we won’t cover you but we won’t tell you why except it was something your medical care provider wrote in your medical records.”
Rob is a family physician. I stay informed about my health. My migraines? Managed. My asthma? Managed. My cholesterol? Managing it.
The answer arrived quickly, along with a refund of the I-thought-they’d-say-yes deposit.
The reason for the denial? My history of “recurrent major depression and anxiety with reported symptoms of increasing anxiety noted during a visit in mid-March.”
I always want to be honest here … well, this is me being h-o-n-e-s-t.
Do I have depression? Yes. I take a mild antidepressant every day. I have since my thyroid went completely bonkers after my youngest daughter was born, almost 20 years ago. Note: Sometimes after childbirth, a woman’s thyroid stops functioning. Usually it rights itself. Mine didn’t. It was over a year before we got things under control, and my medical provider recommended an antidepressant because of complications with my thyroid.
My attempt to get off the antidepressant didn’t go so well. Knowing my history of abuse, Rob said, “You’ve probably struggled with some level of depression your entire life – and you’ve managed it up until now.” And then he suggested I stay on the medication.
I decided that if a small white pill helped me function as a wife and a mom – as a woman – so be it.
Fast forward to 2020.
I shouldn’t even have to explain this to anyone, much less some unknown person at an insurance company. We all know what this year has been like.
I had some tough days in the early part of 2020. After one week particularly rough week, I talked to my medical provider, who is not my husband, by the way. We discussed options to help me feel more myself.
And for that, I get a denial and a label of “recurrent major depression and anxiety.”
My response to all this?
You deny my application? That’s fine.
I deny your label.
Yes, I have depression. Whatever my medical provider, who I trust and respect, wrote in my chart, I do not have major depression. I have functioned every single day of my life for the past two decades with depression. Some days are harder than others, but most days are good. I had a rough go for one week – 7 days – earlier this year.
Guess what? Everyone is having a rough go in 2020.
I have a diagnosis of depression – and I love my husband and my kids.
I have a diagnosis of depression – and I love my friends.
I have a diagnosis of depression – and I write award-winning books.
I have a diagnosis of depression – and I live my life, pursue dreams, trust God, and I don’t quit.
And here’s the most important thing I want to say: If you are dealing with depression – yes, you: Asking for help if you are struggling is never wrong.
Don’t accept shame from anyone. Don’t accept guilt from anyone.
Ask for help.
Choosing to be Honest About Depression https://bit.ly/3jx7SpZ #perspective #depression Click To Tweet 'Let's tell the truth to people. When people ask, 'How are you?' have the nerve sometimes to answer truthfully. Click To Tweet
Comments 29
Thanks for being so transparent, Beth! So many suffer from depression and you have no idea how many people you helped by sharing. And really, they turned you down because you struggled for 1 week in 2020???? They must be turning down everyone who applies this year!
((Blessings!))
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Good morning, Pat. Thank you for your encouragement about this blog post. I received the letter and sat down and started writing this post — processing through words, as we writers do. Who knows how insurance companies think? All I know is I had to shrug off the feeling of shame that came with their denial … I had to stand up and say “No. I am not accepting that.”
Your honesty is appreciated! We all have struggled this year at one time or another. Turning you down for that is ridiculous. I’d be calling my provider though to make sure the notes in the chart didn’t get mixed up with someone else. Hang in there!!! You are dearly loved, my friend. {{hugs}}
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Anne: Thank you for your support. I discussed a lot of this with my husband — even though he is not my medical provider. How insurance companies look at depression and anxiety. How things are “coded” in charts — because it is all about codes with insurance companies. Don’t get me started about that! There’s a lot wrong with the medical system and the insurance companies, that’s for sure.
I am sorry you were turned down because of this, Beth. I fail to see why this is a cause for not being able to get long term care insurance. But rest assured: God will take care of you. Until you see your last sunrise. Thank you for being real. Hugs. And prayers.
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Susan: I absolutely agree with you — my hope and confidence is in God. I’m not worried. And I think that’s a good takeaway from all of this, too.
Your words are truth and life today, Beth! All the “somebodys” out there need to inhale your wisdom and exhale the stigmas that we can’t seem to let go of when it comes to depression. This post is precious!
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Thank you, Barb, for your encouragement. To be honest, I started writing this post right after I received the insurance company’s letter. It helped me process. Helped me step away from the stigma. The shame.
Oh for goodness sakes! How ridiculous they are! When I worked for a certain “colorful” health insurance company, any hint of a pay-out usually sent them scurrying. They used diagnosis codes and let a computer make the first run. You may be able to appeal (if you want to do that).
Thanks for the reminder that we’re not defined by codes, categories, or any other kind of label. God knows both our hearts and our future. He will [e]nsure that we have the care we need. 😉
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Angie: You have a beautiful way with words, my friend. Yes, we are not defined by codes, categories or any other kind of label. And God will ensure that we have all the care we need. Thank you for the reminder.
Your honesty here is so important, Beth. You may have saved a life today – or a soul.
I don’t have much of a knowledge of what depression’s like; I’m told I have the disposition of a six-moth-old Labrador, and intelligence to match.
Since I don’t have personal knowledge, I’m a bit hesitant to offer the sonnet below; if it hits the wrong chord, Beth, please delete!
When the world just gets you down
and sorrow is your daily bread,
and despair goes round and round
and round, contained within your head,
please know this is not your fault,
this is nothing bad you’ve done;
depression’s from the devil’s vault,
but this battle can be won,
though not alone by smiles and hugs
(though I do wish that this were true!),
but helped by doctors bearing drugs
that restore yourself to you
by healing fissures of the mind
to allow, again, Real You to shine.
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Andrew: while I love that someone said you have the disposition of a Labrador, I think you are brilliant! And thank you for the sonnet. It is just right!
Labs ARE brilliant…in their own way…ooh, look, a CARDINAL! WOOOOF!!!
Big sigh of relief on the sonnet! Untroden path for me.
Thank you for being scrupulously honest. You probably have no idea how many readers you encouraged by describing the solid walk forward and climbing mountains to enjoy the view and describe so others may reach them, too. God bless you every day for sharing your riches with others.
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Bless you, bless you, Dee, for always being here for me and speaking words of blessing.
Whaaat? I would not have guessed you struggle with depression, dear Beth. You are definitely not alone. I would not have guessed you’d be denied LTC insurance. It is a great comfort to me that we were able to get the insurance through my employer while I was still working, especially since the women in may family live into their 90s and 100s.
Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your story. I pray you are able to appeal and/or find another company so you can remove this from your list of concerns.
As a society, we too easily define others and ourselves by labels. Thank goodness God defines us as His daughters and sons. He who made you knows your struggles and loves you anyway.
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Marie: Thank you for your kind words, Marie. You just never know … and what happened to me with this insurance denial fueled me to be honest — although I will admit I hesitated for a moment. But this is my story, and I am embracing it. God has been faithful. I may not like all the twists and turns, but I have a good life — a beautiful life.
Thank you! Both of my precious daughters struggle with mental health issues. They are both functioning in this world, though the days are hard. It is heartbreaking and exhausting to deal with physicians and insurance companies only to come up against the ignorance and judgemental attitudes all around. We have found believers to be both the most supportive and the most dismissive. The verse in Matthew 12:20 has been such a comfort as I bring my “bruised reed” and “smoldering wick” to the One who will never break them off or put them out.
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Kate: Yes, the Body of Christ can sometimes shoot its wounded. Such a difficult truth to accept. I’ve learned the importance of building a safety net of trusted friends by trial and error, but I do know that God is faithful. God accepts me and even uses both my strengths and weaknesses in good ways.Praying for you and your daughters.
Major depression and mild depression are a million miles apart.
With mild depression one can function near normal and write articles, manuscripts, and cook dinner. With major depression a sufferer is lucky if they can muster up the willpower to get out of bed and take a shower.
I know because as I shared in my recent blog post, I’ve been there. Mild and major.
So sorry this happened to you, dear Beth. I’m glad God doesn’t overreact and flee when we need Him.
Blessings – Wendy Mac 🌻
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Wendy: Like you, I’ve dealt with varying degrees of depression through the years. Decades ago while unraveling the truth of my abuse there were some months of major depression. Functioning was a challenge — but I did still function. And always there was the awareness of the stigma. There was the friend who disappeared for months from Bible study … only to confess years later that she battled severe depression and was too ashamed to admit it. Shame held her back from answering phone calls from concerned friends, from reaching out for help.
I have followed you for years, been a fan and enjoy your quotes. I have major depression and anxiety and struggled for over 30 years. Most of those have been productive and functional. Others have been debilitating. My major depression diagnosis allowed me to receive TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation) treatments from April to June this year which relieved some of my troubling symptoms.
I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability in this forum. I know I’m not alone and I’m strong enough to be open about my diagnosis. I feel validated by your shunning the stigma the insurance company placed on you. It happens too often. You’d think we were in the dark ages.
I am valued in my community for many reasons and you are in your world and as an author. I commend you for seeking help, being an example, and for speaking out. I admire you for the impact you are making and not letting a week in the midst of a pandemic overwhelm you.
Thank you!
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Thank you, Sharon, for your honesty here today. You are not alone. I am not alone. And if nothing else was achieved today, may people know they are not alone.
It’s such a shame that the the doctor’s words, parsed by an insurance company, caused your health history to be rejected for coverage.
Thank you for sharing your story. So many are shamed into silence because of the stigma of any level of depression.
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So well said, Denise — words “parsed by an insurance company …” There is always more to our story. So much more. And our stories are valuable. To be respected.
Until doctors lead the way and “teach” insurance companies and others that the brain is a physical organ that suffers from *physical* issues just like any other organ in the body, we will continue to experience this stigma about “mental” illnesses. Brain chemistry is affected by stress, trauma, hormones, etc and produces depression, anxiety, mania, etc. It’s just as much a physical disease as diabetes is which is a physical illness of the pancreas. Your thyroid was out of whack and needed two medications to address it. You suffered from abuse, and that affected your brain chemistry and I’ll bet it affected your sympathetic nervous system and a whole host of other parts of your body as well.
Thank you, Beth, for sharing your experience because so many people need to know that it’s not shameful to ask for help when you’re struggling, and that at it’s root cause, the brain is just part of our physical body and sometimes suffers a large degree, just like any other part of the body.
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Thank you for such an empathetic response, Laurie. Being married to a family physician, I assure you that my husband is frustrated by how insurance companies handle his patients and frustrate his attempts at medical care. So are many of his colleagues. Insurance companies are businesses-driven by profit … but I don’t want to step into that arena here.
We are in agreement that mental health should never be shrouded in guilt and shame.
I meant no offence! I’m Canadian and we have a totally different health care system up here, as I’m sure you know. I wasn’t trying to cast aspersions on your husband. My sister and her husband became American citizens over twenty years ago and are both doctors. The Canadian system suffers from stigma as well so my comments were meant as a general observation on health care as a whole.
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No offense taken, Laurie. I think we are in agreement. I have friends who deal with the Canadian health care system, so I understand what you are saying. And neither system — yours or mine — is doing the best the can (or should) when it comes to mental health.