My 102-year-old mother-in-law was diagnosed with COVID-19 in October.
Our family kept the news off social media, told some close friends, and prayed a lot.
We also predicted that, in her typical determined fashion, she’d beat the virus. I’ve always said that if my mother-in-law was run over by a Mack truck, she’d stand up, brush herself off, and proclaim, “I’m fine.”
Several weeks later, my mother-in-law was declared virus-free.
She was born during the 1918 influenza pandemic – and now she’d survived the coronavirus pandemic. My mother-in-law comes from hardy Montana farm lineage, and was born in a one-room log cabin built by her father, who was one of the last homesteaders in Montana. Think Little House on the Prairie.
But the harsh reality is that COVID wrecked my mother-in-law’s health, which was already challenged by advanced congestive heart failure.
On Monday, we received a phone call from hospice that my mother-in-law’s health was declining, and we were granted a “compassion visit.” This, after not being able to see her face-to-face for seven months.
A few hours later, my husband, Rob, and I were at her assisted living facility, putting on white coats, similar to ones my husband wears every day in his medical practice. N-95 medical masks. Plastic face shields. Compassion still requires you pay attention to the guidelines.
My mother-in-law knew us – once we identified ourselves. My husband sat closest to her, holding her hand. She was determined to talk, even though it was challenging for her. Rob told her how much all the family – four grandchildren and 7 great-grandchildren and her sister, Jean, and close friend, Karen – loved her and missed her.
I prayed silently. For God’s presence. His peace. His comfort.
There are no guidelines for times like these.
We do our best to be there, all the while wishing we could do more.
That’s been the most difficult part of all of this in 2020. We haven’t been able to be there for her – be with her – like we wanted to be. Phone calls have had to suffice.
We said, “I love you,” and “I miss you.” We listened when she reminisced, recounting the same stories. Often, she’d call us an hour later, not remembering we’d already talked to her.
Because COVID-19 separated us, talking and listening were the only ways we could express our love for her.
Like so many other people around the world, we do what we can – what we’re limited to – and trust that love can get past any man-made restrictions.
Choosing to Believe Love Conquers COVID-19 https://bit.ly/35FUdJa #hope #encouragement Click To Tweet 'Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.' Quote by Maya Angelou https://bit.ly/35FUdJa #love #hope Click To Tweet
Comments 22
You have, indeed, had a stressful 2020! I’m so sorry to learn about your mother-in-law’s health issues and your not being able to be with her physically as you have wanted. I’m sure the phone calls have meant a lot to her. How precious that the compassion visit was allowed and that you were able to express the family’s love for her! I will lift her and the family up in my prayers. Consider yourself hugged and loved!
Author
Thank you for your encouragement, Suzanne, and your prayers. Our situation mirrors what so many others have faced: separation from loved ones because of COVID-19. Isolation is mentally and emotionally hard on all of us — but especially so on the elderly.
Beth, I’m so sorry; the separation is the worst thing. To paraphase a line from “The Rise of Skywalker”, evil wins by making us think we’re alone.
Satan does not have the power
to build the cruelest hells;
in what could have been our finest hour
we’ve done that to ourselves
by submitting love and libety
to the cause of Safety First,
to leave the helpless empty,
placing on their heads the worst
punishment that rings through time,
the scourgings to soul’s very bone
imposed on those who did no crime,
yet who now are forced to face alone
cold harbinger of modern doom,
a bright and antiseptic room.
Author
Andrew: The isolation has taken such a toll on Rob’s mom — as it has on so many others in her situation. On the one hand, I try to understand. And yet, it seems to cruel to be separated from her for months at a time.
Beth, my thought is that at least in instances like this, our society has failed miserably in placing absolute safety and the peservation of life as thie highest good.
It’s certainly understanable, but it’s a virtue twisted and darkened by being taken to a cruel extreme.
Author
The isolation is cruel. Truly, it is.
Lots of love and hugs to you across the miles. Being separated from loved ones has to be the most challenging aspect of this virus. I’m so thankful to hear she beat the virus, and I will continue praying for more time with her and for God’s comforting presence embracing all of you.
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Lisa: My daughter Amy joked that her grandmother was better than a Marvel superhero — that she could have beaten Thanos! (You have to know your Marvel movies to understand that reference.) Now I keep seeing her standing with a cape!
I appreciate so many things about this post. What a lineage and heritage. God bless her and all of you lots. May His presence and comfort be hers and there for all of you! I’m thankful that heritage continues on in you all.
Author
Thank you, Dee, for your encouragement. We value all the wonderful family stories she’s shared with us through the years.
Beth, thank you for sharing the news about your mother-in-law. Please know that there are so many praying for her and your family and lifting you up in this difficult time.
Author
Leaning into all the prayers, Barb. Thank you so much.
I agree that making the elderly, especially those who are near death, leave this world without the comfort of family next to them is beyond cruel. We do need to be careful, but we need to be allowed to comfort those we love. My MIL is in a nursing home and she describes it as a prison. The loneliness and lack of personal touch has greatly affected her. I am so glad you and Rob were granted this time with her.
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Maureen: So many families are struggling with these restrictions. It is difficult on both sides of the wall. I’ve prayed for others as I’ve prayed for us. Praying for you, too, Maureen.
Oh Beth, I know and understand what you are going through with Rob’s mom. And I also know and understand the terrible illness that COVID is. I will never take it lightly again.
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Rita: I know you’ve had your own sadness around this, too. Thank you for your understanding, dear friend.
I’m so very sorry, Beth. This makes my heart hurt. These times are unfavorable for so many. We saw my MIL (who is 82) in Oct for the first in 10 months and it was quite unsettling the change in her since lockdowns. I’ll be praying for your family.
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Anne: I’m so sorry for your experience … it is so heartbreaking, isn’t it? Praying for you and yours.
What an amazing life story! I pray she will recover and have the joy of being reunited with all those who love her on this earth. She’s a special super hero, is that lady!!
Author
Yes, yes, she is. Thank you for your prayers, friend.
Oh Beth, I’m so sorry. The isolation is horrific, in many ways way worse than the disease. I pray that she meets God peacefully and for special comfort for your family. Hugs!
Author
Thank you for your prayers, Suzanne.