@bethvogt
Listening, truly listening to another person, is both simple and hard work.
I’ve focused on listening to others for the past 18 months, ever since choosing “Listen” as my One Word in 2020 and then again in 2021. The one lesson I’m going to remember when 2022 arrives and I move onto a new One Word is that listening takes diligence. I have to purpose not to talk, talk, talk when I’m with someone else. Instead, I set myself on SILENT and actively listen during a conversation.
We’ve all heard of the Golden Rule – the guiding tenet prompting us to treat others the way we want to be treated. Worth remembering, right? And it’s also applicable to choosing to listen because, well, I want someone to listen to me when I’m talking. Don’t you?
Philippians 2:3 raises the bar higher, telling us to consider others more important than ourselves. The verse doesn’t settle for not thinking about me and what I want. Instead, I’m to consider how valuable another person is, reminding myself they are made in God’s image, and to determine to put their needs ahead of mine.
One of the most practical ways we can show someone how important they are is by listening to them. The act of listening to another person instills value on them because we’re saying – without using words –they are worth our time and attention. Our family member or friend or colleague is more valuable to us than anything else we could be doing.
Of course, every conversation is a two-way street. But to be a good listener, we have to be intentional. We choose to stop moving, as it were, and yield right-of-way to someone else, allowing them to talk uninterrupted. Our contribution to the conversation? Listening.
I’ve learned to close my laptop. Set my phone aside and ignore any incoming texts or phone calls. Mute the TV – better yet, turn it off.
It’s also important to face the other person and make eye contact because we don’t listen just with our ears. A lot of what is said is conveyed through a person’s body language. If we’re not looking at someone when they’re talking, we may miss out on vital cues to underlying emotions.
When there is a space of silence, I tell myself to wait … wait … wait … and inevitably, the person starts talking again. Or I ask them, “What else?” Just those simple question usually prompts someone to share more.
In the past 18 months, I’ve discovered what a privilege it is to listen to someone when they’re talking about both the minor and major events in their lives.
I’m curious: How do you feel when someone listens, really listens, to you?
Choosing to Value Others By Listening to Them #listen #relationships Click To Tweet 'Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present, and that takes practice, but we don't have to do anything else ...' #quote by Margaret J. Wheatley #listen #focus Click To Tweet
Comments 14
I wonder if the loss of desire to listen will beget the loss of ability, and thus send this nation into the abyss.
America has been a vision,
in which one heard what others said
without rancour or division,
but I fear now that dream is dead,
killed by roaring megaphones
that focus loathing’s stridency,
and no-one stands up to atone
except in silent privacy,
for hate and fear have taken root:
“Is it I who will be next?”,
and founding principles are moot,
just words by which red hearts are vexed
to blind hot anger and to rage,
and haste to end a golden age.
Author
I agree, Andrew. We’re losing the ability to listen, truly listen compassionately, to one another.
Well said, my friend.
Praying for you today!
It is such a blessing really to be seen and heard. You are very good at this. Those in contact with you in any way are all beneficiaries.
Author
Dee: It is a blessing to be seen and heard. And I know you have a special ability to hear God , which blesses others.
This is a great post. You’re so right. To truly listen, we need to be intentional.
Author
I’m so thankful you like the post, my friend. I always like to evaluate my One Word halfway through the year. Being intentional about listening has changed me.
I’ve heard that while we’re “listening” to others talk we’re not really listening because we’re formulating in our mind what we are going to say next.
Author
Yes, Gail, that can be the danger — we’re not “listening,” we’re prepping what we want to say. I’ve been guilty of that, too. But I do it less and less now.
I love this, dear Beth.
Truth well written and worth sharing.
Blessings – Wendy Mac
Author
Thank you, dear Wendy.
Six more months to listen well.
Eager to learn more.
Listening is such a wonderful thing to do for another.
Author
Good morning, Denise.
Agreed. Listening is one of the best gifts we can give each other.
I love the phrase you used–actively listening. Being intentional is the key to listening to someone. So often, we listen and wait for our turn to share, but when we are intentional we’re deepening a relationship that adds necessary value to our life. Great words, Beth!
Author
Hi, Lisa: Yes — relationships add value to our lives. And listening, intentionally listening, shows people they are valuable to us.