Remembering to Value Others in Stressful Situations
@ bethvogt
Life veered off course last week.
I need to stop being surprised when life doesn’t go according to plan. Better yet, I should write “Realize things will not go according to plan” at the top of my weekly To Do list.
Humor helps, right?
You know what else helps when life careens off the road, onto the shoulder, and appears to be headed for rough terrain?
Kindness.
But let me back up for a moment.
My mother-in-law’s life got sidetracked last week. She’s 100 years old. Amazing, right?
Well, yes … and no.
Being 100 years old means she has a fascinating history. My mother-in-law was born in a one-room log cabin built by her father, who was one of the last homesteaders in Montana. She and one of her brothers rode a horse to go to school in a one-room schoolhouse. She married at 18 and was widowed when her son (my husband) was five. Remarried when he was eight. She’s the only woman I know who has celebrated two 25th wedding anniversaries. She started out as an office manager and finished her career as a lobbyist on Capitol Hill.
But being 100 also means her body is ailing. Severe macular degeneration has stolen her eyesight. She is frustrated with the loss of her hearing. Last week within 48 hours she was transferred from her assistant living facility to rehab because she’s requiring more help to stand and walk.
Sudden change is difficult for anyone. Sudden change when you’re 100 is disorienting and distressing.
We’re finding ourselves traveling an unexpected, unfamiliar road. And this is when kindness makes a difference. Like metal guard rails that protect us from going over the side of a steep embankment, kindness protects us from heading in the wrong direction during stressful situations.
Did I mention my husband is out of town? We planned for his trip, not for his mom’s relocation to rehab. Since he’s gone, I’ve been talking to a lot of people about my mother-in-law’s care. Discussing her meds. Her therapy. And sometimes I have to remind myself that I can be both assertive and kind. I remind myself that I’m talking to a person who might be just as stressed as I am. I remind myself to say “thank you” even if I didn’t get all the answers I needed.
And then there are the times I’m met with kindness and I force myself to slow down and appreciate what just happened instead of rushing on to the next thing that needs to be done. I say thank you because someone who doesn’t know my 100-year-old mother-in-law and her amazing history – who only sees how she’s struggling – has been kind to her. Perfect example: the woman who oversees therapy who took the time out of her busy day to go visit my mother-in-law because she understood the importance of a personal connection. Or the kindness of family and friends who’ve asked me how I’m doing with all this.
Kindness dissipates the stress, protecting me from falling into overreaction and anger that could make a challenging situation worse. Kindness changes my perspective, helping me see past difficult circumstances to the people who deserve to be valued.
Discovering Unexpected Opportunities for Kindness http://bit.ly/2WL7tEw #perspective #relationships Click To Tweet 'Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness.' Quote by Seneca http://bit.ly/2WL7tEw #choices #stress #quotes Click To Tweet
***
Today is the LAST DAY of the Thatcher Sisters’ Favorite Things Giveaway! Enter for a chance to win a prize package worth $200!
Today is the LAST DAY of the Thatcher Sisters Favorite Things Giveaway! Enter to win the $200 prize package, including books, a bracelet, a gift card, and more. Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you… Click To Tweet
Comments 9
Wow, what an amaing lady, and what a privilege to meet her through your words!
Today there’s little room for grace,
and less for patient courtesy.
Hell now cometh, steel-spiked mace
prophesying my mortality.
I remember them, the far-past days
when one might stop to hear
the stories become shadow-plays,
when the light defied the fear.
But terror now stalks this land,
demons ravening in the night;
I need a vicious, steady hand,
not kindness, in this fight.
Perhaps, beyond calamity,
I may again find humanity.
Author
Good morning, friend. It is a pleasure to introduce my mother-in-law to you and others, even in this most brief way. And while I understand your need for a “steady hand,” you too need kindness. We all do. Praying for you.
Beth, thank you so much for the prayers. My earth has fallen from its axis, spinning wildly now, out of control, and I can only hold on, and lash out.
I’ll fight this thing to the end, with everything I have.
Author
You are walking this trial out with courage, friend. I pray for you each and every day.
<3
That’s amazing Beth! My mother died a year and a half ago at 101. She had macular degeneration also and could not read but a kindly aid, her favorite, would read the Bible to her. I was so glad to hear that. Unfortunately, before my mother died, her much younger aid died. I’m sure they are catching up in heaven!
Fortunately at age 99, my sister helped her publish her memoirs. She was a missionary kid and was born in China. I have my grandmother’s diamond that my grandfather sent to Tiffany for back at the first of the 20th century. He sent $25 from China for the best it would buy. They threw in the setting. I don’t have the original setting but I have the replacement that Grandma wore.
These older and wiser people have a lot to impart to us. I wish the younger generation would listen.
Blessings!
Author
Paula: Thank you for sharing a bit of both your mother’s and grandmother’s stories. Such treasures. And the kindness shown them — also treasures along these rough roads we travel with them.
It sounds like a challenging week but I’m glad you found answers and moments of kindness in the midst of it. I spent maybe 2.5 hrs. total w/ Mary Smith, so thankful for that, and when leaving prayed thanks and a blessing over her. I was glad I could do that. It mattered a lot to me. I imagine it was the last time but it’s okay.
Author
Dee: Prayer is its own kind of kindness. An eternal one.