@bethvogt
My youngest daughter, Christa and I had an argument two weeks ago.
Arguing is unusual for us. It’s unusual for me to argue with any of my adult children.
That said, a rather intense verbal wrangling occurred, with both of us saying, “You wanna’ go?” at some point. It sounds better when an almost 20-year-old says it.
Christa here. I don’t remember either of us saying this; however, it’s not hard for me to believe that we did. What I do remember is this was one of the most heated fights with my mom.
I’m happy to say Christa and I have reconciled. We talked our stuff through and forgave one another in a true, honest way, where things aren’t covered up or ignored.
That was the biggest part of the whole conversation for me. Yes, it was hard. There were things that were hard to say and hard to hear. But those things have to be brought to light for true reconciliation.
Reconciliation didn’t happen overnight. Sometimes it takes a while to work through tough issues. Yes, I know the admonition not to let the sun go down on your anger. I believe in it, too. But here’s the thing: not all disagreements – arguments, fights, whatever you want to call them – can be resolved by the time the sun sets. Life doesn’t always fit in the rising and setting of the sun.
But in the midst of all the angst – and there was angst and silence and tears – Christa and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that we loved each other. That we would figure this out. That this uncomfortable state of affairs wasn’t permanent.
And now I want to mention the dream I had during the in-between time.
I had no idea about any dream until Mom said, “Hey, you should read this blog post I wrote.”
Christa and I still hadn’t talked things out to the reconciliation point. I took a nap because, well, I was in the middle of a 2-day migraine.
In the dream, I was upset. I knew I needed to stop holding onto my anger and unforgiveness. Got it. I needed to stop wanting to be right. Got it. (Although doesn’t thinking you’re right feel good?)
I found these two clear plastic containers and exhaled my anger and unforgiveness into them. As I did, the containers filled up with this toxic green smoke.
After I had done this, I could breathe again.
There was no need to wonder “What was that dream about?”
I’m very thankful for this dream, for both of us. It helps us both move on from any pain or anger and step into a new season of our relationship. I’m thankful for a mom who is willing to forgive and go through the hard times so we can continue to cherish the good.
Doing the Hard Work of Reconciliation https://bit.ly/3izMrUS #relationships #forgiveness Share on X 'It is not 'forgive and forget' as if nothing wrong had ever happened, but 'forgive and go forward ...' to create a new future.' https://bit.ly/3izMrUS #reconciliation #relationships Share on X
Comments 8
Wow, sorry this intensity was going on in the midst of a migraine, too–or any time BUT it sounds like the dream was a gift and your steps since constructive so overall these are honest vital steps forward. Thanks for your candid vulnerability. I love your word gift.
Author
Dee: The migraine was probably related. The dream? Most definitely. I won’t forget it — well, especially since I wrote it down here and in my journal. And I appreciate Christa being part of this post, too.
Communication is good. Looking back conversation with my mom was minimal. By the time she got to child # 11 (me) she was done with words. I can’t remember a single conversation other than do’s and don’ts. It was a different generation and she had a hard life raising my much older siblings mostly as a single parent. I had more conversations with myself as a child. Probably why I’m not without words now. Thanks ladies for sharing.
Author
Daphne: Yes, communication is good — even the hard conversations. And yes, your mom had a challenge raising all those kids as a single parent.
You’ve got to try to reconcile,
to fashion love from hate.
You’ve got to go the extra mile
before it is too late.
You’ve got to give away the cloak;
it wasn’t yours to own;
and the tunic, though bespoke,
for all we have’s on loan
as currency of God’s own heart,
which we need freely give,
and though the giving, yes, may smart
we have to learn to live
and not count it any loss
in the shadow of the Cross.
Author
Andrew: Beautiful words, my friend, framing a much needed truth.
So glad you were able to reconcile–what a powerful dream.
Author
Denise: It was a short, but powerful, dream. And yes, I was confident we’d reconcile. Our relationship is stronger for it. That is the best kind of reconciliation: when you understand one another better.