Choosing to Love Our Children for Who They Are
@bethvogt
Let’s talk about favorite things.
The Kid starring Bruce Willis is one of my all-time favorite movies.
Crème brûlée is my favorite dessert.
Green is my favorite color. Not neon green or lime green or olive green, but a rich forest green.
L.M. Montgomery is one of my favorite authors. And so is Georgette Heyer. And . . . well, talking about favorite authors is a whole other blog post.
It’s fun to talk about favorite things. I’ve shared a few of mine, and yes, it’d be fun to hear some of yours. The only time I’m not a fan of favorites is when parents start talking about having a favorite child.
I remember the first time I was blindsided by the whole “who’s your favorite?” question. My first three kiddos were young – probably in elementary school – and a friend asked me, “So who’s your favorite child?”
I paused for a few seconds before answering, thinking I misunderstood the question. “I don’t have a favorite.”
“You’ve got to have a favorite,” my friend insisted – and then proceeded to suggest reasons why I might favor one of my children over the others.
Our conversation ended in a stalemate, with me adamant I didn’t have a favorite child and my friend just as certain that every parent – me, included – had a favorite child.
I’ve run into this “every parent has a favorite” kind of thinking again and again through the years. Maybe you have, too. I’ve even read articles about it, where experts insist moms and dads have a favorite child. But I still maintain my “no favorites” stance.
Why do I fight against family favorites? Two reasons:
- A child knows if they’ve been chosen as the favorite child – and that’s a huge burden to bear, a designation that separates them from their siblings.
- A child also knows if they’re not the chosen favorite – and that’s its own kind of burden, one that marks someone for life. They can’t ever do enough, be enough. First place has been taken, and they’ll always be second-best.
While I don’t like having favorites, I’m all for acknowledging the specific things we like about our children – the characteristics, talents, personality traits that make each child unique. Who are children are – what they like, what they excel at, what makes them tick – doesn’t make them better than anyone else in the family. Different, yes – but not better.
I’m sure we’ve all seen those T-shirts that proclaim, “Mom likes me best.” My hope is that every child in a family would be so loved that they would feel comfortable wearing that T-shirt. A child should never wonder where they rank among their siblings. Worse yet, no child should grow up knowing they’re not the favorite child, and have to live with that less-than feeling all their life.
Fighting Against Family Favorites http://bit.ly/2wEf7pM #relationships #favoritism Click To Tweet 'If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.' Quote by Mother Teresa http://bit.ly/2wEf7pM #family #perspective #love Click To Tweet
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Comments 12
My pastor has a saying: He loves each of his children uniquely. Good post!
Author
Well said, Pat. Thanks for sharing your pastor’s perspective on God’s love for us. 🙂 And I believe we each want to be seen and valued for who we are.
I wonder who’s God’s favourite,
for it surely isn’t me,
and I wonder why I merit
this fell, dark destiny.
Life is not how it had seemed
a few short years ago;
the purpose of all that I dreamed
is to learn to let it go.
But it may be, on the other hand
that somehow I’m regarded
as one who might just understand
that love’s not withdrawn, once started.
After all, the Apple of His Eye
was that Lamb that had to die.
Author
Andrew! I’m so glad you’re here! And I hope that today, somehow, you feel God’s extra-special love for you, my friend. Praying for you.
Glad to be here, Beth.
And God’s here, too. He says Hi.
Sibling rivalry over a perceived favoritism can be an ugly thing.
Author
Exactly, Denise! Favoritism fosters sibling rivalry and division.
Unfortunately, siblings can form their own rivalries by comparing themselves to one oother sibling. It lasts throughout life until an awful explosion and one is left out of the family with parents brokenhearted and don’t know why.
Each child is unique and has their own personality. No matter that I have a daughter and son I love both for their differences and uniqueness.
Author
So well said, Gail.
Somehow God manages to make all of us feel like we’re His favorites.
I’m working hard to live out the same thing.
Author
Dee: Such a wonderful truth! 🙂