Have you ever experienced this odd form of communication where someone has a conversation with you — but forgot to include you in the exchange?
You know what I mean: It’s the kind of dialogue between you and someone else, but it takes place entirely in the other person’s head. Things are said — some of them supposedly by you. Conclusions are drawn — possibly after accusations have been tossed back and forth and most definitely when assumptions have been made.
An illusion of communication has occurred. And there are always, always actions and reactions based on this faulty form of verbal (mis)connection.
Of course, there can be a pretense of communication even when two people are face-to-face with one another. Maybe one person’s talking, talking, talking, but they’re not being heard. Why? Because the other person, rather than truly listening, is planning what they want to say next. Or maybe they’re just plain bored, ready to move on to something or someone, else. Conversation ends — but only an illusion of communication has taken place.
Communication requires intent — to care enough to be involved in talking and listening. It involves exchanging ideas, not just expounding your own. Sharing your feelings, which demands vulnerability. And none of this can take place behind the safety of a facade.
In Your Words: How do you avoid pretense or illusion in communication with others?
In Others' Words: The Illusion of Communication http://bit.ly/2HMs43L #relationships #quotes Click To Tweet 'The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.' Click To Tweet
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Comments 9
Nothing important can be communicated in words.
Opera non verba.
Author
Now Andrew: You are just being ornery this morning. 🙂 You, above all people, know that yes, valuable things can be communicated through words.I submit your blog as an example — and how the posts have encouraged many, many people.
Actually, I was going for the Zen ‘sound of one hand clapping’ koan sort of thing… 😀
Author
Well, of course you were … 😉
But only now and zen.
That is priceless, love it! Shaw was so tongue in cheek. I also love that in the process of researching to write St. Joan, he became a believer which reflects beautifully in the play–another favorite true story!
Author
Dee: I love how your wide-reaching knowledge has enriched my life. I didn’t know that about
Shaw! 🙂
Oh my! I was that person having the conversation in my head! Ugh. Too afraid to actually communicate, but only succeeding in fueling my anger and causing more grief in a particular relationship. I’ve made leaps in this area, and this relationship, and am learning to brave spoken words in light of the destructive power of what I communicate while not communicateing.
Sinful patterns don’t die easily. But only good has come from repenting and choosing brave.
Author
Bernadette: How brave you are to change communication patterns — and change a relationship. I dare say we are all guilty of having internal dialogues.