@bethvogt
The holiday season is fast-approaching. Thanksgiving? A mere 22 days away. Christmas? Only 48 days. New Year’s Eve? Counting down 54 days.
We all have our do’s and don’ts when it comes to celebrating the holidays – or not celebrating the holidays because, let’s be honest, some people aren’t thankful for all the fa-la-la-la-la.
I’ve never hated the holidays. But there have been times when circumstances have so weighed down my heart that I’ve wanted to opt out of the seemingly mandatory to-do’s. It’s difficult to be present, much less joyful, when your heart is shattered. I remember one Christmas I was facing a harsh reality. That’s the year I learned truth isn’t always pretty. Sometimes truth is unyielding, and there’s no dressing it up with tinsel.
Maybe for some of us the holiday season is only difficult because of the circumstances we’re facing right now – a health crisis or a personal loss. And then there are others who can’t remember a time when they haven’t dreaded the holidays. They’d like to fast-forward past “the most wonderful time of the year” and just start 2020 without a countdown and forced fanfare.
Does it ever seem like there’s an emotional tug of war when it comes to our holiday preferences? Those in favor of holiday fun line up on one side of the season across from those who’d rather give the holidays a cold shoulder and a “Bah humbug!”
Consider the fictional Scrooge in Dickens’ A Christmas Carol for just a moment. There was more to the miserly Scrooge’s aversion to the holiday than people realized – more to the story of why Scrooge hated the holidays. His anger covered up a lot of hurt, didn’t it?
I’m realizing there are basically two types of people in the world: those who love the hustle and bustle of the holidays and those who don’t. But I’m also learning that whether we like the holidays or not can change from year to year, given our circumstances. Oftentimes people who are struggling choose not to mention it. They just carry on, not wanting to interfere with everyone else’s fun.
Why are the holidays hard?
Asking this question requires that we unpack the holidays. There’s no way a few holidays, dressed up with festive lights, can bear up under the weight of all our spoken and unspoken expectations.
We put an awful lot of pressure on the holiday season. It’s as if we expect the holidays – the lights, the music, the food, the activities – to make up for any of the disappointments and discouragements and heartaches and anger that has been stuffed into the preceding months of the year. As if the continual background music that tells us that home for the holidays is a good place to be can drown out all the reasons why some of us can’t go home. Why some of us choose not to go home.
The point of this post? It’s just to say out loud that the holidays can be difficult for people around us. And maybe by reading these words we also give ourselves the freedom to admit if we’re not quite sure how we’re going to navigate the upcoming season, either. If we’re not quite sure we’re ready for any of it.
Let’s offer each other more grace this year, where we don’t have to fake our way through today or tomorrow … all the way into the New Year. Instead of pushing through, let’s find a way to be more honest with one another. If you love the holidays, that’s wonderful. Live your traditions out loud. If the holidays are hard? That’s your truth, no shame in admitting it. Find someone safe to share with, who will offer you a listening ear and words of comfort. There’s room enough for each one of us this holiday season.
Making Room for Each Other This Holiday Season http://bit.ly/2NPx50q #holidays #expectations #stress Click To Tweet 'Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.' Quote by Socrates http://bit.ly/2NPx50q #kindness #relationships Click To Tweet
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Comments 9
No-one will be welcome here
to share in holidays’ fun,
nor partake in Christmas cheer,
save a stray dog with the runs.
If that’s you, then come on in,
here’s place that’s warm and dry.
This is where new life begins,
so sweetheart, don’t you cry.
We’ll clean you up with gentle care,
and then you’ll smell so nice!
And look, look, over there!
New friends, and toy-delights.
No longer is sad fear to roam,
for Christmas, a forever home.
Author
Andrew: I love how you provide a safe place — a forever home — for stray dogs. That’s a special kind of love.
I get more than I could ever give, Beth.
Author
I know you always say that, Andrew, but the dogs might disagree. 🙂
Thank you for breathing a little grace on this topic.
My relationship with the holiday season? It’s complicated.
I started to expound on this statement, but deleted it all. Even I don’t like reading all the details behind “complicated.” Sigh… It feels very heavy.
This morning I clicked “place this order” on an Amazon basket of books for my dad. Christmas shopping started early in the hopes that one weight will be removed quickly. Managing my feelings by managing the details. We’ll see how it goes this year.
And just now a text came from my daughter expressing her hopes that the holiday season won’t be hard for me this year. How timely. They know. That takes off weight… but it adds weight, too.
Complicated.
Author
Complicated.
That’s the best word for the holidays for so many of us, Bernadette.
And it’s best to just say it out loud, don’t you think?
I’ve found that less is more — figuring out ways to make the holidaze less complicated. Less decorating — picking my favorite things to see and to do. And I also try to understand how others are feeling about the holidays and give them the room — the grace — they need to navigate both the time and the emotions.
Less is more. No holidaze. Yes! My minimalist heart seeks both with intention these days.
There is a weight of expectation about the holidays that gets in the way of my soul’s cry of “Come Thou Long Expected Jesus.” Conversely, I’m also learning to expect Him as I navigate the edited list.
He loves me in the midst of complicated. It’s why He came.
Love you, Beth. As with comfort, I believe we also understand others with the understanding we have received. ❤️
Well said Ms. Beth. Kindness costs us very little, but rewards us handsomely. If not in this life, then the next. God’s blessings this holiday season ma’am.
Author
Hello, J.D. And yes, kindness costs us little … and sometimes the little kindnesses mean the most to others. Blessings on you today and in your tomorrows, friend.