@bethvogt
I had a dental appointment yesterday.
I dreaded it so much I’d put it off for five months.
But yesterday, I “adulted” and went to the dentist.
A lot of people are afraid of the dentist – maybe you’re one of them. If you are, I empathize with you. You’re welcome to share your story in the comments. I label myself a “dental disaster waiting to happen” – ha ha – but the reality of my dental dramas through the years are all too true.
What made yesterday’s appointment all the more difficult is that my longtime, trusted dentist died several months ago. He took care of me and my family, so yesterday’s long-avoided visit was a snarled knot of grief and anxiety.
There were decades that I survived myriads of dental procedures with false bravado and lots of humor. No one ever knew I was afraid.
Until one particularly rough procedure where I sat in the chair wearing one of those paper bibs and broke down sobbing. My trusted dentist and good friend sat beside me until I calmed down and then asked, “What is going on?”
I explained how my history of abuse affected me during dental exams. NOTE: Medical providers need to know about abuse because of how it can play out during exams and procedures. But it’s often difficult to share with someone in the medical community if we don’t know them well – and even when we do.
My dentist listened and then said, “Beth, you don’t have to pretend like you’re okay. I’ll help you now and take care of you in the future.”
From then on, we took certain steps to handle my anxiety, instead of pretending it didn’t exist. This included my husband sitting with me during all procedures, from cleanings to crowns.
No one should skip going to the dentist. With my troublesome dental history, where minor issues often snowball into more complicated problems, I certainly shouldn’t.
One time, my dentist asked his staff to stay late because the work he needed to do became more extensive. Another time, he joked that Rob needed to hide my passport between one appointment and the next because I was a flight risk.
I always came back because of the trust we’d established over the years. My dentist knew my story, understood my fear, and he didn’t make me feel ashamed.
I went to the dentist yesterday because my friend would want me to take care of my teeth even though he can’t do it anymore. By keeping that appointment, I honored all those long hours in the chair when he took care of me. He always did the right thing, got me through my fears, because he was a wonderful, compassionate dentist who took care of me, the same way he took care of all his patients.
It’s amazing how someone else’s compassion toward us can help us be brave, isn’t it?
Recognizing We're Afraid ... and Choosing to Do What Needs to be Done Anyway https://bit.ly/3sksWVS #perspective #encouragement Click To Tweet 'One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn't do.' Quote by Henry Ford https://bit.ly/3sksWVS #overcomingfear #courage Click To Tweet
Comments 16
What a compassionate man your dentist was. I pray that your new dentist is just as caring.
Author
It’s true, my dentist was a wonderfully compassionate man. The new dentist was good, too. To be honest, I started to cry just a bit when I found out that I have an issue that needs to be dealt with. I just looked at the new guy and said, “Keep talking. It’s okay.” And he did. We’ll deal with it.
Oh Beth I’m sorry for your loss on several levels. Having medical providers we trust and are comfortable with is so important. I was never taken to the dentist. Parents couldn’t afford it so my first experience after marrying certainly would make or break. Maybe the fact we had the same name helped but he sensed my apprehension and for over 40 years he took care of me. Over those years I saw pics of his baby boy and talked about our kids who were clients as well. Now that his son has taken over the practice it is not the same.
Author
Daphne: What you said is so true: It changes everything when we have medical providers who are trustworthy and compassionate. Change for any reason is unsettling — yes, even scary. But figuring out how to navigate the change is so important. I delayed longer than I should have, but I also needed to give myself time.
Wonderful, Beth. Thanks for sharing this sensitive issue and so thankful the Lord loved and stood behind you as you stepped up to the plate and hit this home run!
Author
Dee: I appreciated that people (like you) were praying for me during this appointment. I know it made a difference. And writing about this experience helps too.
I’m so proud of you for having the courage to share your fears. There are certain procedures that freak me out, too.
I pray your new dentist will be as compassionate and understanding as your friend. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Author
Thanks, Angie. I’ve discovered that courage is both little steps and big steps — and to be patient with myself in the process.
Beth, what a beautiful tribute to your friend! And what a wonderful friend he must have been. Your reminder to move past our fears is pertinent to all of us right now. Thank you for the inspiration!
Author
Thank you for your encouragement, Kathy. And yes, we are all facing fears of all kinds right now, aren’t we?
They walked beside us through the years,
and suddenly are gone
and we are left with falling tears,
and an empty dawn,
sun rising in a bright bleak sky
to its futile zenith
and we can only wonder why
and ask God what it means,
the need that wrapped in love there’s pain,
the need that every gain holds loss,
the need that beauty can’t remain,
the need for grace’s heavy cost
that must be paid, at the end,
as we walk on for our lost friends.
Author
Andrew: Your words are a balm, my friend. Truly. Thank you.
How brave you are, my friend, to have been honest with your dentist and let him care for you with your compassion! I too have experienced such dread with dental work because of the “powerlessness” that comes from being in that chair. In my study with trauma informed care, I have tried to inform my dentist and advocate for myself better (by asking to have the lead vest on me to calm my nervous system during all my procedures), and educating him and his staff whenever possible. You are right! There needs to be a trauma informed care educational piece for every type of medical practitioner out there. Thanks for your courageous post!
Author
Angela, How good to have you join this conversation, my friend. I value your insight as a medical practitioner — a compassionate one, I might add. And I especially appreciate the phrase “trauma informed care.”
Sorry to hear you lost your trusted dentist.
I’m glad you were able to go yesterday.
Author
Thanks, Denise. I hope you are doing well as we start 2021.