@bethvogt
This is one of my “thinking out loud” moments and you – yes, all of you – get to listen in.
It’s 4:10 a.m. when I’m writing this as I try to figure out something. Sometimes I do that by putting words on paper. This time, I decided to let my scribblings become a blog post.
Last Wednesday I got sick. It wasn’t the most convenient time for me to get sick, since I was heading to Nashville on Thursday for a writers conference – a long-planned-for-and-much-anticipated event.
Despite being sick, I kept packing for my trip. Laying down and sleeping, and then rallying to pack, and repeat, repeat, all through Wednesday. And when 3 a.m. Thursday dawned, I woke up and prepared to head to Denver airport, despite still being sick.
But once I was in the car, with my husband in the driver’s seat, I broke down crying. “I can’t do this. I can’t get on the plane.”
It was as if admitting that allowed me to drop twenty pounds of excess baggage as I dragged my aching body upstairs and crawled into my bed.
But even as I burrowed beneath the covers, I fought the urge to get up and keep trying. I’d paid good money for that conference! And I was letting so many people down. I was supposed to room with my friend, Julie, whom I hadn’t seen in years. And I’d miss spending time with one of my best friends, Edie, who’d encouraged me to come to the conference. Others had been confident the conference would be good for me, too.
What would people think of me?
And that right there was the 20-pound question weighing me down: What would people think of me?
Well, more than likely, they’d think I was too sick to go to Nashville. It’s a simple as that.
I was too sick to get on the plane. People who feel like I felt last Wednesday don’t belong on a plane. Believe me, you wouldn’t have wanted to be seated next to me. I slept for the next three days. Didn’t feel anything close to normal until Saturday. If I’d gone to Nashville, I would have just been holed up in my hotel room, sick.
But back to this question I’m puzzling over: What would people think of me?
Some of you may recall I turned 60 a few months ago. Here’s another question: When do we outgrow worrying about what people think of us? Do you like how I generalized that statement? It was a bit less painful to ask that way.
Here’s the reality: If it had been anyone else but me, I would have been more gracious about them not going to Nashville than I was about me not going to Nashville.
Hmmm.
Why is it that we offer others grace more easily than we offer it to ourselves? And yes, I realize I slipped into the third person again there.
Do we think we are undeserving of grace?
An author friend of mine called grace “the simplest gift of all.” I say yes … and no. Grace, God’s key that He uses to open the door to forgiveness, can seem easy at times, but then there is the hard, beautiful grace that stretches to cover scars and wounds.
And maybe that’s what trips me up at times when I feel less than perfect. Maybe I’m afraid too much of my wounds and scars will show through God’s grace.
But at moments when I’m freaking out and wondering, “What will people think about me?” I’m forgetting He lavishes His grace on us. God knows I’m not perfect – I’m the one who tries to fake it. That’s why He offers us grace. And I suspect most people don’t think I’m perfect, either. And the ones who matter love me anyway.
There is more than enough grace for everyone, isn’t there? And there’s more than enough grace for me.
When Do We Stop Worrying About What People Think of Us? http://bit.ly/30F5m7Z #perfectionism #grace Click To Tweet 'God has given you one face, and you make yourself another.' Quote by William Shakespeare http://bit.ly/30F5m7Z #honesty #expectations Click To Tweet
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Comments 16
Thanks for your honesty, and I’m glad you didn’t get on that plane. Despite $ lost, I’m convinced you gained.
Author
I did gain something … I gained perspective. Very worthwhile.
A beautiful, honest post, Beth. I think we’re sometimes harder on ourselves because it’s been instilled in us that we’re examples to the world and there are times we need to push through. But I also think the world needs to see us make that hard decision (and it is so hard) to extend that grace to ourselves. Thanks for stepping on my toes. 😉
Author
Sorry I stepped on your toes, my friend. And thank you for all the times you’ve extended grace to me.
You are feeling better, yes?
The face I give unto the crowd
has become that which I really feel;
weakness, here, is not allowed,
and I am the man of steel.
I’ll ever be the first to start
and always last to quit,
and will silently flog my heart
to make the most of every bit.
I know my limitations, yes,
but also know I can endure
far more than I could ever guess
if I keep intention bright and pure.
It’s neither God nor man that test;
it’s me, to always do my best.
Author
Andrew,
In your weakness, He is strong.
Truth, my friend. Truth.
And this too is grace.
Beth, this has been a question I’ve grappled with for as long as I can remember. It IS so much easier to give others grace and heap condemnation on myself. It seems like it’s at the point when we can accept God’s grace for us, His complete and perfect love for us, that’s when our worries about what other people think diminish in our priorities, if that makes sense.
Author
Your words make perfect sense, Jeanne. My relationships with other believers — friends like you — help me better understand God’s grace.
Sometime early in my life I absorbed the core value that I must never disappoint anyone, including myself. No pressure! The fall out of people-pleasing and perfectionism goes deep. I’m still working to un-absorb this skewed version of nobility.
Grace is the opposite of all our striving. A “more than we deserve” place of light and rest. Resistance is futile… yet we resist. And still, there’s grace for that.
Author
Ah … resistance is futile … and yet we resist.
Such truth in those words.
And yes, there is grace for that, too.
Wise words, indeed, my friend.
Beth, such a wonderful and timely post. During my cancer journey 20+ years ago, I wasn’t physically or emotionally up for my normal standards. I would “give myself permission” to be less than what I thought people expected of me. Why did it take cancer to allow me to be gracious with myself! My family and friends certainly didn’t expect me to do in addition to dealing with poisonous chemicals in my body, a bald head, scars and radiation burns. Sometimes it’s not just what others might think, but being gracious with ourselves. One of the blessings of my journey through cancer, a path I’m fully aware to be blessed to continue to walk.
Author
“Why did it take cancer to allow me to be gracious with myself!”
Such an immense question … and oh, the people and events God uses to draw us to Him … to shake us up so that we see Him and His grace.
I’m right behind you in age, Beth. I’ll be 59 next month. When I get to the point I don’t care what people think of me, I’ll be sure to let you know. 😉
Author
Please do! 🙂
It doesn’t matter our age, our confidence, or even our inner strength, we all have moments when we worry “what will people think of us?”
Author
Denise: I think you’re correct — but I hope that I can strengthen my heart and confidence more and more as time goes on.